How It Should Have Started
by dumbest genius i know 10
Summary: This story begins at the very end of season 1 episode 1 and continues on from there. Jane and Maura deal with revealing their feelings for one another and adjusting to the changes in their relationship.
1. Chapter 1

**_I've never written anything before. If its good, let me know. If its bad, let me know._**

"In that?" I asked.

"What, theses are my going out clothes." Jane said, clearly mocking me. I think teasing me is one of her favorite pastimes.

We both laughed and joked with each other all the way to the bar. Lucky for us our booth at the Dirty Robber was empty. I knew Jane had been through a lot today so I insisted she take a seat while I went to get our drinks. I ordered her beer and myself a glass of Cabernet. I was picking up our drinks when I had a thought.

"Hey, could you also send an order of cheesy bacon fries to our table?"

"Sure thing, I'll have them right out", the bartender said with a wink.

I turned around to walk back to our table, but I stopped and watched my best friend for a few seconds. Even after the terrible day she's had, she's still one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. Her wild raven hair, and her defined angular facial structure. She's absolutely gorgeous. She could easily be a model or something. The most attractive thing about her though, is the fact that she's completely unaware of how beautiful she truly is. Not only is she beautiful though, she's an amazing person on the inside too. She's witty, compassionate, thoughtful and damn good at her job. She's easily the best person I know. I don't know if these are normal thoughts to have about your best friend, but then again, I never had a best friend before Jane. She was just staring at my empty seat. Her right elbow was up on the table and she had her head propped up with her hand. She looked…I couldn't tell what she looked like. It wasn't sad, and it wasn't afraid. Pained, I guess that's the most accurate way to describe the way she looked. I felt my heart break a little. I hate seeing her like this. I want to do my best to cheer her up, so I put on my best fake smile and walk back to our booth.

"I'm back. I got you a beer", I said as I put our drinks down "but I didn't think to ask you what you wanted before I went over to the bar. Did you want something else? You mentioned bloody Mary's earlier. I'm sorry, I should have asked. What would you like? I'll go back over and…" Jane stopped my rambling by grabbing my hand.

"Maur, beer is fine. Thank you." She smiled up at me and I felt her thumb move across the back of my hand. I smiled back at her, then blushed and pulled my hand away from hers. I immediately missed the feeling of her hand on mine. I took my seat across from her and picked up my glass. I looked at my drink and then held the glass in front of my nose and breathed in deeply. I knew right away that this wine was not going to be satisfactory. I grimaced but decided to take a sip anyway. I was right. I heard Jane laugh quietly so I looked over at her.

"What's so funny, Jane?"

"You, doctor wine snob. What's wrong with this one?" she asked.

"The Cabernet here is chalky."

"Of course it is." Jane said as she smirked at me and shook her head.

We smiled at each other across the table. I knew she wanted to say something to me, but she wasn't quite ready yet. That's ok, I know if I wait her out, she'll tell me eventually. I tried to think of something to talk about until she was ready.

"Soooo how is Agent Dean? I heard he was on the scene with you and…Hoyt."

"Yeah, he was there." Jane paused before continuing. "I think he likes me, but…"

"But what Jane?"

"I don't know. He's smart and considerate, and, yeah ok, he's hot, but I'm just not interested."

"Really? Why not? I thought you were interested."

"Eh, not really." Jane sighed, and took a deep breath. "I just don't think he's the one for me."

"How can you possibly know that Jane? You haven't even been out with him yet. What if he is the one for you?"

"He's not…Maur, I think I already know who…"

The server walks over with a plate and interrupts Jane, who looks almost relieved." Here you go ladies, one order of fries. Enjoy!" he sets down the plate and starts to walk away.

Jane calls after him, "Hey I think you have the wrong table, we didn't order any fries."

"Yes we did Jane." I smile over at her then turn to the server "Thank you"

"Dr. Maura Isles! Did you actually order fries! Do you know how unhealthy those are?"

I can't help but laugh at her mocking me, "No silly, I ordered these are for you. I don't eat cheesy bacon fries." I smirk and take a fry off the plate.

"Well, help yourself doc" she smiles at me "and thank you for the fries. I didn't realize how hungry I was."

She digs into her fries and I just smile back at her. I try to pick up our conversation from a few minutes ago. "So why do you think Dean's not the one for you?"

"I don't know Maur. Can we just talk about something else? I just want to completely forget about everything that's happened in the last few hours. Distract me. Tell me more about my new pet."

I perk up at the mention of the tortoise. I start rambling off random facts that I'm pretty sure Jane doesn't even hear. She eats her fries and every once in a while she looks over at me and smiles. She picks up a fry and as she moves it to her mouth some cheese slides off and lands on her chest. My mind immediately wonders what it would be like to lean across the table and lick the cheese off her chest. I could run my tongue up from her chest and over her neck. I could travel up her jaw line and nibble on her earlobe. Ok, ok whoa. Those are not best friend thoughts. Where did that come from?! I push the thought away, but I still can't take my eyes off that damn drop of cheese.

"Maur…Maur!" I snap out of my trance and can't help the blush that shows up on my cheeks.

"Hmm, what did you say Jane?"

"Nothing. You umm, you just stopped talking and your eyes kinda glazed over. Are you ok?" she looks at me with genuine concern.

"Me, what no, I'm fine." There is a lull in our conversation. We sit in silence for a few minutes, but not the uncomfortable kind. She finishes her fries and beer. She nervously looks over at me. She starts to say something, but then stops herself.

"Jane, just tell me." I smile at her as sweetly as possible.

"Ok, well umm so you know my apartment is trashed."

"Yes, I did know that."

"Well uh would it be ok with you if I umm…."

"Jane, would you like to come spend the night at my house." I could see how much she was struggling and I knew what she was trying to ask so I just did it for her.

"Yeah, I mean, if that's ok with you. I kinda don't wanna be alone. I guess I could go to Ma's or Frankie's but I just…"

"Jane, its fine. I'd love to have you in my home. We can go back by your apartment and pick up Jo and your new tortoise. You can grab a change of clothes if you want. I washed your clothes from the other night, but you can grab more if you need them. Do you wanna follow me in your car or did you wanna ride with me?"

"You can head home and I'll run by my place and I'll be over at your house shortly. I just wanna straighten my place up a little."

"Jane, I'm not letting you clean all that up by yourself. Let's just get your pets and then go to my house and get a good night's rest. We can go back to your place tomorrow and clean it up together."

"Ok, ok doc whatever you say."

I pay our tab and we head back over to Jane's. She changes into some comfy clothes and we pick up her pets. We walk back out to my car and I drive us over to my house. We stay quiet during the drive, and as soon as we get to my house Jane looks over at me. I can't exactly decipher the look on her face. She looks so worn down. I smile at her and briefly squeeze her hand before I open my door and get out of the car. I carry her tortoise terrarium inside and she grabs Jo and her backpack.

"The guest room is ready for you, or if you want we can hang out and watch a movie or something." I say

"Naw, I'm really tired. Its been the longest day ever and I just wanna crash."

"Ok…Jane?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm really glad you're ok. I was really worried about you tonight."

"Thanks." We lock eyes for a longer than usual amount of time before she breaks the eye contact. "Goodnight Maur."

"Goodnight Jane"

We go into our separate bedrooms and I walk into my en suite bathroom. I wash my face and brush my teeth. I put my clothes in the hamper and throw on one of Jane's Boston PD shirts that she seems to always leave at my house. I lay down in my queen size bed, but I can't fall asleep. I toss and turn and I'm about to give up and just head downstairs when I hear a soft knock on my door. I freeze for a minute before I remember that Jane is here.

"Come in."

The door opens and Jane comes in. She's wearing a white tank top and some short black sleep shorts. When she walks further into the room I get a good look at her face. Her eyes are red and puffy and her face is unusually pale. Worried, I sit up and scoot to the side of the bed closest to where she's standing.

"Jane, sweetie, what's wrong?"

She walks further in the room until she's standing right in front of me. I grab her hand. I look up at her face, but she's not meeting my eyes. She looks down at our joined hands.

"You're the only person I let do that." she says to me. She still won't look at me.

I offer her a weak smile. "I know that, and I'm grateful that you let me. Your hands are beautiful and strong. Your scars are a part of you and you don't have to be embarrassed or uncomfortable with me."

She finally looks up at me. She looks calmer now. "I know…umm I couldn't fall asleep. Every time I close my eyes I just see him standing over me…Maura could I umm, nevermind."

She turns and tries to pull her hand out of mine, but I won't let go. "Jane, Jane look at me." She looks into my eyes. She looks so sad. I don't want her to be sad anymore. I scoot over to the middle of the bed and pull the covers back.

"Lay down Jane. I'll stay awake and talk to you until you're asleep. That way, you'll know you're not alone and he's not here." She immediately lays down next to me. I pull our covers back up over us, and I unconsciously reach for her hand. She grips my hand tightly. I hum one of my favorite arias for her and run my thumb over the back of her hand. I hear her breathing even out and I know she's asleep now. I bring her hand up to my lips and place a tender kiss over her scar. I keep her hand firmly in mine and my last thought before I drift off to sleep is how, even though I wish the circumstances were different, it feels perfect to have her here.


	2. Chapter 2

**Sooo I've had some encouragement to keep this story going, so I've decided to continue. I know this is my second update in less than 48 hours, but don't expect that all the time. I am a full time student and I work full time, but I'll try to update at least twice a month. Thanks for the feedback from chapter 1. Keep it coming because I'd like for my writing to improve as much as possible.**

I wake up completely rested and comfortable. I feel the sun on my face, but that wasn't the only thing that made me feel warm. I open my eyes to discover a steadily rising and falling chest beneath my head. I guess we had shifted our positions sometime during the night. My head is on her chest and one of her arms is wrapped securely around me while the other is holding my arm that was thrown across her stomach. I don't think I had ever felt this at peace in my entire life. This surprised me considering the total shit day that I had yesterday.

Last time I encountered Hoyt, I wasn't able to sleep all the way through the night for weeks. I was in the hospital heavily sedated the first few days and then I had gone home with Ma for a week. As much as I love her, my Ma isn't exactly known for creating a peaceful, calming environment. I had nightmares every night for the first month. I still have them regularly. Every time I have one I wake up crying and terrified. Most of the time I can't get back to sleep so I just stay awake and end up being exhausted at work. To say that waking up cuddled up with my best friend is better would be an understatement. I sigh. As much as I would love to stay here, I know I can't. I love the feeling of Maura's arms around me, but I don't want her to wake up with me half on top of her and get weirded out. I'd never been attracted to another woman before, but I finally admitted to myself a couple of weeks ago that not only was I attracted to a woman, but I was in love with my best friend.

_She was standing over a body in the morgue. He was a fifteen year old that had been shot during an armed robbery at a convenience store. He had tried to tackle the robber when he pulled a gun on the cashier and it had cost him his life. I think she thought she was alone. She had closed up her Y incision and gently placed her gloved hand on the kid's shoulder. She had the most compassionate look on her face. She slowly covered his face with the sheet, removed her gloves, and then turned around. I think sometimes other people think her work doesn't affect her. They see the professional, composed and cold Dr. Isles, but when she turned around I saw tears in her beautiful hazel eyes. She's not cold, far from it. She cares deeply about the innocent people who end up on her autopsy table. I feel beyond privileged that I get to see this part of her. The part that no one else sees. She wiped the tears from her eyes and looked straight into mine. "You're going to solve this case, right? He deserves that." I walked up to her and placed my hand on her arm,"I will do everything in my power to make sure he gets the justice he deserves." I pulled her into a hug. She inhaled a deep, calming breath as she hugged me back. I knew right that second that I wanted to be the arms she found comfort in for the rest of her life. I want to share in her joy. I want to take away her pain. I want to protect her. Hold her. Love her._

I reluctantly ease out of our embrace and slide out of bed. I look back at her sleeping form one more time before I start to make my way out of her room. I just now noticed that she's wearing my shirt. For some reason this makes me smile like an idiot. I ease open her door and slip out of the room. I take Jo out for her morning walk. We come back inside and I walk over to the guest bathroom and take a quick shower. I let my mind wander. I should still be an emotional mess after yesterday, but since the second I laid down next to Maura last night and felt her hold my hand, I've felt nothing but peace. I get dressed in jeans and a t-shirt and head to the kitchen. I had planned to fix myself a bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee, but when I get there Maura's standing over the stove. I see two plates with pancakes and eggs, and as she turns from the stove she adds some bacon to each plate. She looks absolutely adorable. She's still wearing my Boston PD shirt and some black silk pajama shorts. She looks up at me and flashes me a brilliant smile. God, that smile! Her smile is always bright enough to light up even my darkest moods. I also notice she's not wearing any makeup. It was dark in her room last night so I didn't get a good look at her, but now in the light of day I can see she's even more gorgeous than I thought with her freshly rested morning face.  
"Good Morning Jane. I heard you in the shower, and I figured you'd be hungry so I made us some breakfast."

"Thanks, umm I didn't wake you up, did I?"

"No, no it was time for me to get up anyway...we've got a lot of work to do over at your place anyway."

"Maur, you don't have to clean up my place with me. I could probably call my Ma and she could have it all cleaned up in the blink of an eye."

"I highly doubt that Jane. The average blink only lasts approximately 300 milliseconds."

I can't help but laugh a little. "Thank you for that very valuable information Google mouth, 'In the blink of an eye' is an expression."

"Oh" she tilts her head sideways "whatever."

I laugh as she passes me a fresh cup of coffee, and we sit down at the bar in her kitchen to eat. We finish our breakfast, and I insist on washing up our dishes so that Maura can take a shower. A little over half an hour later, she comes downstairs with her flawlessly done hair and make up, in what I presume are her "work clothes". She's wearing some red skinny jeans and a fitted white button up with the sleeves rolled up. I look down at her feet and to my surprise she's got on a pair of flats. I don't know that I've ever seen her in anything but heels except for when we're in the gym or at yoga. I think I really like dressed down Maura. We get in her car and head back over to my place. We make our way up to my apartment and I hear yelling. Maura looks uncertain, but I know that voice. I sigh and open the door.

"Frankie, take they out to the garbage chute right now. I want this place perfect for Janie when she gets home!"

"Ma, I got it...geez" Frankie says as he nearly runs in to Maura and me. "Janie, hey! You're home. Hey Dr. Isles."

"Janie, Maura, hello girls! Oh Janie I was so worried about you last night. I wanted to come over here and check on you, but Frankie says he saw you leave the bar last night with Maura, so I knew you'd be taken care of." I don't know why, but blush a little at her comment.

I look over at Maura and smile, "Yes Ma, Maura took excellent care of me. She's the best friend ever." Maura locks eyes with me and smiles back.

We all get to work cleaning up my place. Ma's fighting with Frankie in the kitchen and Maura and I start on the living room. It takes us a couple of hours, but we finally get it all cleaned up. Ma gives me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek and then she and Frankie both head home. Maura stays with me for a while. I grab a beer for myself and pour her a glass of wine. We just chill on the couch and watch some mindless TV for a while.

"Hey, do wanna order a pizza and stay a little while longer?" I really hope she's says yes. I don't think I'm ready to be alone just yet.

"I'll only stay for pizza, if you agree to let me fix you a salad to go with it."

"Maura", I whine, "why do you have to spoil a perfectly good meal with rabbit food!"

She stares me down. "Fine, I'll eat a damn salad. Can I order my pizza now?"

She smirks at me, "Yes, a feta cheese, spinach, and roasted tomato pizza sounds lovely."

"You're kidding, right? If you're forcing me to eat a salad, then I'm getting pepperoni and bacon on my pizza."

She looks over at me "Fine", she says in her Dr. Isles voice," I'll allow it this time Jane, but I expect you to eat your salad without complaining."

"Yes ma'am",I say with a little mock salute. "Good luck finding stuff to make a salad in my kitchen", I laugh.

"I happen to know that your mother stocked your fridge when she got here" she says victoriously. I groan and pick up the phone and order my pizza while Maura goes into the kitchen. I finish my order and decide I want another beer. I walk over to my kitchen. Maura is leaning over looking through the fridge and my eyes are instantly glued to her ass. I don't remember when exactly I started checking her out. I mean, I've always thought she was beautiful, but now looking at her sends a tingly feeling below my belly button. I keep looking and lick my lips. I'm not really an expert on women's asses, but I think hers would have to be one of the best. She turns around and I blush and quickly avert my eyes. I don't know if she caught me checking her out or not. I almost told her how I felt about her last night at the bar, but that server interrupted me right as it was about to come out. Last night I was still emotional from my encounter with Hoyt. When I thought I was gonna die, all I could think about was Maura. I thought about how much I love her and how much I wish I had told her. Soon I tell myself, I'll tell her soon. I have to.


	3. Chapter 3

_**I plan to take ideas from the show, but with my own twist. I may not use the episode ideas in order though. I am so honored to have had 40+ followers after only 2 chapters into my first story ever! I love the feedback I've gotten from this story &amp; I hope I can do it justice. Thank you to all my followers and reviewers **__** Keep the reviews coming.**_

It's been weeks since Jane encountered Hoyt, but she's still sleeping in my bed, not that I mind. We weren't close friends last time she encountered him, so I don't know what it was like before. She only has nightmares when she tries to sleep in the guest bedroom all alone, but as soon as she comes into my room she sleeps through the night with no problems. I like to think that I have something to do with that, but maybe she just doesn't want to be alone. Maybe it could be anybody that loves her. Maybe it could be Angela or Frankie sleeping on the couch at her apartment. But sometimes I think that maybe it's me. I've woken up with her wrapped around me almost every morning for the last month. It's been the best month of my life. Most mornings I go back to sleep, and then when I wake up again, Jane is already up. I think waking up next to me must freak her out. I never bring it up, and neither does she.

I think I love her. Actually I know that I love her, only now I think I've realized that I love her in a different kind of way than I loved her before. I've had sexual partners and boyfriends before, but the way I feel about Jane...I've never felt this way about anyone else in my entire life. I love having her be the last thing I see every night and the first thing I see every morning. I love preparing and sharing breakfast with her every morning. I love meeting her for lunch in the café. I love working cases together. I love getting drinks together at the Dirty Robber. I love our movie nights and late night talks. I love how; when she falls asleep in my bed, she always reaches out for me. As much as I want her to be able to move past what happened with Hoyt, at the same time it makes me sad. I know once she moves past it, she'll go back to the guest bedroom, or her own apartment. I don't want to go back to sleeping without her right next to me. Speaking of which, I don't think I can go back to sleep this morning. I look over at the gorgeous woman next to me and I can't help but smile. I may as well get up and start my morning. I give her a kiss on the forehead and slip out of her arms. I make my way into my en suite to use the restroom. Once I finish, I decide I'll go get started on our breakfast. I walk out of my bathroom and see Jane still asleep in my bed. I can't recall having ever seen anything more beautiful. I don't know how long I stand there and watch her, but I know it's longer than I probably should. I sigh and make my way down to the kitchen. I've already freshly squeezed us some orange juice, made our coffee, and I'm halfway through fixing our omelets when I hear Jane coming down the stairs.

"Good morning Jane" I say with a smile. "How did you sleep?"

Her response is an incoherent grumble. That surprises me. I know she didn't have any nightmares. She didn't sleep in a different position from all of the other nights that she's been in my bed. I look over at her and see her frowning.

"I'm so sorry you didn't sleep well. The coffee is ready if you'd like some. Our egg white omelets are almost finished."

"Thanks" she says in the most unenthusiastic voice I've ever heard.

"Hey, after breakfast, how would you feel about coming to yoga with me?"

"Really, Maur? When have I ever _wanted_ to go to yoga?

I can't help the pout that forms on my face. Jane rarely refuses to spend time with me.

She looks up and sees the expression on my face. "I'm sorry Maur. I didn't sleep very well last night…we can go to yoga."

"Jane, you don't have to go with me if you don't want to. Actually if you're busy or uninterested then I can just go on my own. I don't want you to feel obligated to"

Jane interrupts me, "Maura, I'd love to go to yoga with you."

I smile "Really?"

"Yes, now where's my omelet woman?" She smiles, and I mean really smiles, dimples and all.

* * *

I'm having a really hard time keeping my eyes off Jane. Why is she not wearing a shirt? Her standing right next to me in just yoga pants and a sports bra is torture. It's taking every ounce of my focus not to reach out and touch her perfectly chiseled abs.

"This hurts!"

"Pain is only in the mind", I respond.

"Feels like my leg", Jane says as the instructor comes over to my mat to adjust me. He sets me and I notice that Jorge is staring at Jane. I want her to be happy, and I want to believe that the only time she's ever happy, is with me. I decide to perform my own little experiment to test this hypothesis.

"My mind has a cramp" she whispers.

I decide then and there to set her up. "You see the guy that's staring at you, he just broke up with his girlfriend" I say.

"Really?" Jane asks with slightly more enthusiasm than I'd like.

The yoga instructor has already asked me out several times so I suggest a double date idea to Jane. She immediately says no. I somehow manage to keep face from smiling at her refusal. I know she thinks Jorge is hot. If Jane doesn't want to go out with him, then she just _has_ to be interested in somebody, right? What if it's me? I decide to push her and see if she'll actually go out with somebody else. If the date goes well, then I'll keep my feelings about her to myself, but if it goes poorly, it might just make Jane realize how much she enjoys my company. Urgh! I wish I knew how to figure out if Jane felt about me like I feel about her without all these ridiculous set ups. I really don't want to watch her on a date with someone else, but right now this is the only idea I've got.

* * *

Hearing Jane upset with me this morning about my convincing her to take Jorge home last night was like music to my ears.

I hate that someone had to die, but our current case couldn't have come at a better time. Frost and Korsak want Jane to go undercover as a lesbian. I couldn't ask for a better opportunity to gauge Jane's reaction at considering a same sex relationship. I help Frost and Korsak fill out Jane's online dating profile and then head to her apartment for dinner.

We finish eating and then pour ourselves each a glass of wine. I love that Jane keeps wine here for me. The first time I came over she had beer and hard liquor here, but now she almost always has at least one red and one white here and I know she does it just for me. We walk into her bedroom and as we sit down on the bed Jane totally catches me off guard.

"Maybe I should just be a lesbian."

"Aww well wishes can come true" oh God, I did not just say that. Quick Maura, say something! "Frost and Korsak wanted to fill out your dating profile, I typed." Nice recovery Maura. Blame it in the men.

We check out some of the women who have expressed interest in meeting Jane. She's insisting I go undercover with her. I feign protest, but I actually have no objection whatsoever to going undercover with Jane at a lesbian bar. She doesn't seem to upset by the whole situation so I decide to delve a little deeper.

"I wonder what kind of women we would like if we liked women?"

"What?!" Oh no, she's totally going to freak out on me. What have I done? "Well first of all, I would be the guy."

Whew! Ok, for someone who is known for thinking everything through I've have slipped up way too many times tonight. If I want to keep a lid on everything that's been going on in my mind, it would probably be best if we go to sleep soon.

The next morning I try to find Jane something sexy to wear for our undercover op, but with no luck. I try to convince her to wear something of mine, but all she does is make fun of me. It's ok though. She'll look amazing no matter what she wears. I on the other hand, know exactly what I'm going to wear. The servers at the Merch wear the hottest outfits. High heels, sheer black tights, short plaid skirts and corset tops. If Jane was ever going to check me out, this is the perfect outfit.

"Your tables ready miss."

"Oh my ga, put this on" she says as she tries to hand me her jacket. Trying to protect my modesty, that's got to mean something, right?

"No, I'm undercover. Follow me." I say with a smirk as I turn to lead her to her table.

"Oh my God" she whines. I don't think she likes me being all exposed.

I watch her with her first "date" of the evening. She looks bored out of her mind. I make sure that the girl has finished most of her drink, so that she's likely left some DNA on her glass before I make my way over to their table. "Ladies, may I get you something to drink" I say as seductively as possible as I lean over Jane's shoulder to collect the other woman's glass. I look up to see Jane's eyes glued to my chest. She tears her eyes away from my chest and meets my gaze for just a moment. She quickly turns back to her date. "No, we're good. Right, Miranda?" I can't help but smile and sway my hips as I walk away. Point Doctor Isles.

I watch her go on countless "dates", collect all the glasses, and then we head back to my house together.

"Oh. My. God. That was the most exhausting night of my entire life!" Jane groans.

"Really? I found it exhilarating. I love undercover work."

"Yeah, but you didn't have to talk to all those ridiculously desperate women."

No, but I had fight the urge to vomit watching you flirt with all those girls I think to myself. "Hey I'm going to heat up some of that pasta that I made for us the other night. Would you like some?" I ask.

"Sure, but I think I gonna go shower while you do that. All those weirdos I had to talk to tonight made me feel dirty. I'll be right back out."

"Ok Jane. I'll have it ready in about fifteen minutes. Will that work for you?"

"Yeah, that's perfect." She gives me a smile and heads turns towards the guest room. She hesitates and turns back around to face me. "Hey Maur, when I get back, can we talk about something?" She asks nervously.

"Yeah, sure, no problem…Jane, are you alright?" I ask.

"I will be. Just let me wash this awful night off and I'll be right back." She turns towards the guest room and my mind goes into overdrive. If she wanted to talk about our case, then she wouldn't be nervous, would she? What has her so worked up? What if I've pushed her too far the last couple of days? What if she's figured out how I feel about her? Will she still be my friend? Wait…what if she loves me too? Why would she be here in my house if she's freaked out by me? Ok Doctor Isles, calm down. Heat up our pasta and stop jumping to conclusions. I'll know what Jane wanted to talk about soon enough. Thirteen minutes, Jane will be back in thirteen minutes, and then I'll know.


	4. Chapter 4

As I stand under the hot water, I try to figure out exactly what I'm gonna say to Maura. How do you tell your best friend that you love her? That you love her, not in a best friend kind of way, but in a "falling asleep with you in my arms is the best part of my day" kind of way. I just let the water run over me. Why is this so hard!? I mean, I spend my days chasing criminals, murderers no less, and yet I'm terrified of the fair, delicate woman in the next room! Why did I tell her I wanted to talk to her &amp; why did I have to sound all nervous? Now I can't just go out there and enjoy her company. Now she's gonna expect some big conversation to take place. I really don't want to lose her. Urgh! Up until a couple of mornings ago everything was fine. I was still too much of a chicken to tell her how I felt, but there was nothing weird going on between us like there is now.

Why did she have to wake up before me that day? I've slept in her bed for weeks now, but I had always managed to get up before her so I wouldn't get caught holding her. She acted normal at breakfast and talked me into going to freakin yoga class. She kept looking at me all weird and then kept trying to talk me into dating that Jorge guy. Then she got all flirty with the instructor. He came over to her mat to "correct" her already perfect form and he put his hands all over her waist. I wanted to punch that guy in the face. Maura's mine, I mean not really mine, but she's definitely not his.

Luckily, or not in our victim's case, we got called away to a murder scene. Frost noticed our clothes and teased me about yoga. He was looking back and forth between me &amp; Maura with a smug little grin on his face. Like he knows that I only go to yoga for the extra time with Maura, which is true, but still. I kinda wanted to punch Frost in the face now too. Maura spent the rest of the day practically forcing the double date thing on me. Then once on said date she was extra flirty with the yoga guy and kept insisting I take Jorge home with me. The only reason I could think of for her doing that was that she freaked out when she woke up and I was wrapped around her and she was trying to figure out a way to get me out of her bed for good. I really didn't want to think about what Maura did with her date after Jorge and I left. I was miserable that night and I barely slept. I don't know if I can go back to sleeping without Maura.

Luckily, I talked her into coming to my apartment for dinner last night and she fell asleep in my bed. I was glad Jo had jumped up on the bed between us. That way there was a barrier to keep me on my side of the bed. As much as I wanted to hold her, I didn't want to freak her out again. We had gotten up, Maura had made fun of my clothes and we made our way to the station. She tried to talk me into wearing one of her tiny little dresses for our UC operation, but I declined. The pout on her face was adorable. And what was up with Korsak saying the way Maura dressed was sexy? I mentally added him to the list of people I wanted to punch in the face.

We both went to our own homes to get ready &amp; we arrived at the club separately. I had absolutely no idea she would be dressed the way she was! How in the hell was I supposed to concentrate on our case with her standing in front of me looking so freakin hot! I tried to get her to take my jacket but she wouldn't do it. She was swaying her hips that much just to torture me, I'm sure of it. She showed me to my table and I decided that if I had any chance whatsoever of doing my job tonight, I needed to sit with my back to the bar. If she was going to be coming and going from my table to the bar dressed like that, then I needed to be facing away from her.

My first "date" showed up a couple of minutes later. The girl was totally ridiculous. Who comes out to their parents over an answering machine? Then the thought occurred to me, if Maura ever did want to be with me, how would I tell Ma? She's so...Catholic. I'd have to figure that out later. I know my date had just asked me a question, but before I could answer her, I felt someone standing right up against my shoulder. I turned my head and _Oh. My. God. Boobs. Boobs right in my face! Maura's boobs right in my face!_ It took every ounce of strength and focus in my body to look up at her face. I knew she had caught me. She just smiled and leaned over me to pick up my "date's" glass. Her chest pressed into my back and I'm pretty sure I died for a few seconds. I knew then that this was gonna be a long night.  
After the rest of my "dates" were over, I went and talked to the club owner. Maura had changed back into her own clothes and went to turn her server outfit in. She still looked beautiful but at least now I could remember enough words to be able to speak in full sentences while in her presence. She asked me if I was planning on staying at her place tonight. I asked her if she minded. I know I've been staying with her for weeks, and I don't want wear out my welcome. She assured me that it was fine, and then she gave me that breathtaking smile of hers. I was relieved. The thought of going back to my apartment alone was very unappealing.

We had both driven our own cars, so I just followed her back to her house. She opened the front door and went in ahead of me. While I put my gun and badge on the table by the door, she went to the fridge and got a strawberry for Bass. Then she walked over to the little treat jar that she had bought and filled with treats for Jo and got one out. Right in that moment I realized that this was exactly how I wanted every night of my life to be. I wanted to come home from work with Maura. Her home felt more like my home than my own apartment anyway. I wanted to eat dinner together, take care of our pets, and fall asleep together. If I was ever gonna get a shot at that life, I was gonna have to tell her how I felt.

I've been in this shower way longer than 15 minutes. I turn the water off and get out. I grab a towel, dry off and throw on my T-shirt and sweats. I walk across the room and put my hand on the door handle. _Come on Rizzoli, you can do this. Ok, open the door...you have to open the door. Dammit Rizzoli get your shit together._ I manage to get the door open and walk back to the kitchen. Maura isn't in there though. I look over to the living room and see her sitting on the couch with a glass of wine in her hand. I notice that she's got the TV turned on. Is she watching Sports Center? I make my way into the room and see that she's got plates for both of us and a beer for me on the coffee table. She's sitting in the middle of the couch. I walk around and sit down right next to her.

"Maur, are you watching Sports Center?"

"Yes. I know its been a long day for you and I didn't want to bore you with one of my documentaries."

"Your documentaries aren't that bad."

"Then why do you groan and start making those obnoxious fake snoring noises every time I turn one on?"

"I…umm…ok I only did the fake snoring when you tried to make me watch that one about the mating habits of beetles. That one was totally ridiculous Maura."

"Fair enough." she laughs. "Why don't we go ahead and eat. I'm sorry if it's a little cold now. You umm…took a little longer than I expected."

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I've just got a lot on my mind tonight."

"Are you alright? We can talk first if you'd like."

"No, no lets eat first. I'm starving!"

"You don't appear to be suffering from long periods of malnutrition, and I saw you eat an entire bowl of peanuts at the bar. I think you meant to say that you are hungry, not starving."

I smile and shake my head. She is ridiculous…and adorable. Ridiculously adorable. We both pick up our plates and start eating. I can feel her watching me, but I keep my eyes glued to the TV. I finish before she does and get up to take my plate to the sink. I pick up her empty wine glass.

"Would you like some more?"

"I can get it Jane."

"No, I got it. You've been serving me drinks all night." I give her a smile and a wink. "I'll be right back."

"Thank you."

I walk into the kitchen, rinse my plate and put it in the dishwasher. I throw my empty bottle into the recycling and walk over to the fridge. I grab myself another beer and refill Maura's glass. I walk back over to the couch and notice that Maura has finished eating and she's turned the TV off. _Oh God. She's ready for our talk now._ I wonder if I could sneak out. _No, Jane it's now or never._ I hand her the wine glass and sit back down next to her. I take a long sip from my beer. She's watching me again. I set the bottle down and turn to face her. I take a deep breath.

"Jane, you know you can tell me anything right? You don't have to tell me anything you're uncomfortable telling me, but I'm here for you."

I take a deep breath. I know we've been sitting here in silence for too long. It's getting awkward now. I have to say something.

"How was the rest of your date the other night?" _Really Rizzoli? What the hell is wrong with you?_

She looks at me like I've lost my mind. Maybe I have.

"Umm well, he drove me home and walked me to the door. I told him I was tired so he left and I came in and got ready for bed…was this what you wanted to talk to me about?"

"No…I'm stalling…still stalling."

She smiles over at me and takes my hand in hers and rubs her thumb across the back of my hand. How can she make my heart beat faster and calm me down at the same time?

"Jane, whatever you have to say won't change how I feel about you. You're the best friend I've ever had. I think you probably know and understand me more than anyone I've ever known. Whatever you have to say, just say it."

I look into her eyes and take one last deep breath.

"Maura, I love you." Her thumb stops moving on my hand and she just stares at me. _Quick Rizzoli, take it back, run out the back door. You've scared her. You've ruined your life. She's never going to want to see you again._ I try to take my hand out of hers and get up off the couch. She pulls me back down next to her.

She smiles at me, "I love you too Jane." Ok clearly she misunderstood me. She obviously thinks this was a friendly I love you.

"No, Maura. I don't mean I love you like a friend. I mean that I'm in love with you. You're pretty much my every thought" she's doing the staring thing again "and now I've probably scared you so…umm…yeah I'm gonna go." I try to get up to leave again.

"Jane, quit trying to run away from me. I know what you meant when you said 'I love you' and I meant what I said in response to you. I love you too. I'm in love with you too."

"Wait, what?" There is no way that Maura Isles loves me the way I love her. There has to be some kind of misunderstanding going on here. And why won't she give me my hand back? I need to leave and I'd really like to take my hand with me. I stand up again. Why is she still smiling at me? She stands up with me. Why is she bringing her hand up to my face? Why is she pulling me towards her?

"Jane, I. Love. You."

I'm pretty sure I've stopped breathing. She leans in closer and then her lips ghost over mine in the softest kiss I've ever felt. Realization sets in, Oh my God, Maura loves me too! If this is all a dream, I'm gonna be so pissed when I wake up.


	5. Chapter 5

_Thank all of you for the reviews and follows! It's encouraging to think anybody would want to read anything I wrote. I know it's been a couple of weeks since I last posted, but I've had a TON of schoolwork lately. Anyway, if you like this chapter let me know. If you don't like it…keep it to yourself. Just kidding let me know so I can try harder next time._

* * *

"Ok, so you do know that what I just told you means that I want to spend all of my free time with you, take you out to dinner, and fall asleep with you in my arms, right?"

"Of course I know that Jane… also, we already do all of those things anyway." I say with a smirk.

"Oh…yeah…right…so you're good with that then?"

"Obviously."

"Even the falling asleep together thing…Y-you're totally ok with that?" Her uncertainty is adorable. She pretends to be a badass, but she is such a softy.

"I am. It's one of my most favorite things in the world. I'd actually be perfectly willing to add a few other activities to that list of yours" I say with a smirk as I try to pull her body closer to mine.

"Hold up, so you've known about the cuddling this whole time. I kept trying to make sure that I was up before you every morning so you wouldn't find out. Do you know how much sleep I've missed in the last month?" she whines.

"I would estimate you've missed approximately 8 hours of sleep in the last several weeks given that you've only been waking up around 15 minutes earlier than your normal time." We smile at each other. I pull her closer to me and just as our lips are about to touch…

"Wait, why did you make me go out with male nurse Jorge? That was awful!"

"You really want to talk about him right now?"

"I'm sorry Maur, I-I'm just having a hard time believing that you could possibly love me" she says quietly. "You're so beautiful and kind and generous and adorable and seriously, you are the most brilliant person I've ever met. I'm stubborn, cranky and rude and I just-I just don't understand how you could love me."

"Jane, of course I love you!" I wish I could make her understand. "Before you came into my life, I had no idea what it felt like to be truly and completely loved. Most of the people in my life merely put up with my quirks and eccentricities, but you embrace them. You never make me feel like I'm weird, or an outsider. Other people in my life have used me for my brain or my looks or my money, but you make me feel cherished and special. You never belittle me or dismiss my thoughts or feelings. You always put others first. You are a fierce protector. I always feel safe when I'm with you. " I can't stop the tears forming in my eyes. "Jane you are the best and most important person in my whole world. You have my heart…not my literal heart because then I'd be dead, but my metaphorical heart. Jane Rizzoli, I Love You!"

I've barely finished my speech, when I feel Jane's lips crashing into mine. She's so soft and fierce all at the same time. How is that even possible? But in a way, it makes perfect sense. Soft and fierce are probably the two best words to describe Jane. Everybody gets to see the fierce part, but I love that her softer side is for me only. As we move our mouths together, I can feel Jane's arms around my waist pulling me impossibly closer to her body. I run my own hands up the back of her neck and up into her wild raven hair. This is far better than I could have possibly imagined. I start getting dizzy from the lack of oxygen, and I begrudgingly pull back from Jane's lips. Jane keeps her hold on me and our faces are only inches apart.

"Wow…I never thought…wow. Wait what about you? Was that…"

"It was 'wow' for me too Jane" I'm pretty sure the smile on my face will be a permanent feature from now on. "Why don't we go to bed?" I say while running my fingers through her hair. Jane immediately tenses up when I say this.

"What's wrong?" She eases out of my embrace and refuses to look at me. I wrack my brain trying to think of what could have possibly happened in the last few seconds to cause her to behave this way. Did I say something? Is she having second thoughts about her feelings? She has her back turned towards me and she mumbles something I can't quite make out.

"What was that?"

"Umm…I…Maura I-I haven't had sex in a really long time and I just don't think I'm ready for that and…I…umm…I've never been with a woman before. I don't want you to be disappointed" the last part comes out as a whisper.

"Jane" I say as I cautiously turn her around to face me. "You don't have to worry about any of that. I love you, and you love me, right?"

"I really, _really_ do." She lets me wrap my arm around her, and I bring my other hand up to cup her face.

"Ok, then when the time for that comes, I believe with certainty that it will be perfect. We don't have to do anything that you're not comfortable with. Ok?" She finally looks into my eyes and gives me a tentative smile and nods her head. I lean in and give her a soft kiss. "Actually, when I said let's go to bed, I really meant I think we should try to get some sleep. It's after 3am and we have to be in at the station at 9am so we should probably rest."

Jane went to the guest bathroom to grab her toothbrush and then I led her up to my bedroom by the hand. We've been going to bed together for a while now, but it's infinitely better to be able to hold her hand and touch her without worrying about her panicking. She spooks so easily when it comes to emotional or romantic stuff. That's why I waited out her confession about her feelings for me. I knew I loved her and I was fairly certain she loved me too, but I was so worried that if I said it first she would bolt. We walk into the bedroom and make our way into my en suite. I start taking off my make up while Jane picks up the toothpaste. I bend down to the sink to rinse my face and feel two strong arms wrap around my waist. I pick up my towel and stand back up then lean back into the embrace. I dab my face with the towel and look in the mirror to see Jane staring at me.

"You're really beautiful, you know that? I mean, your hair and make up always looks perfect. You always have on the best clothes, but seeing you without your make up on, in my BPD t-shirt, you're the most beautiful woman on the planet."

I blush at her compliment. She is such a sweet talker. "Jane there is no way you can know that with certainty. Beauty is subjective. I happen to find you absolutely stunning. While I can't say with certainty that you're the most beautiful woman on the planet, because again beauty is subjective, I can say with certainty that you are by far the most beautiful woman I have ever encountered."

She turns her head towards me and places a soft kiss onto my neck. She doesn't deepen the kiss or even move. She just stands there with her lips pressed to my neck for several seconds. I can feel her arms tightening around my waist. I turn around in her arms and wrap my own arms around the back of her neck. We look into each other's eyes and I find it hard to comprehend that someone could express so much in a mere look. I lean in for a kiss and she meets me halfway. This kiss is different from the passionate, lust filled kiss from earlier. This kiss is still intense and expressive, but it's also soft, gentle, and tender. For the first time in my life, I think I know how love is supposed to feel. We don't run our hands all over one another like before, and the kiss stays slow and sweet. She pulls her lips back, but keeps our foreheads pressed together.

"This has been the most wonderful night of my life. I love you so much Maur, and to know that you love me too...I just-I don't think my life could be any more perfect right now…You really love me?"

"More than anyone else I've ever known" I kiss her cheek "Come on, let's get some sleep."

We make our way back into the bedroom. Jane goes to turn off the light, while I turn down the blankets and climb into bed. She makes her way over to the bed. I have my arms open and waiting for her. She climbs into bed next to me, and I wrap my arms around her. Being able to hold Jane is the best feeling in the entire world! I love that we can touch each other now without having to make up excuses, or Jane waiting until I fall asleep. She wraps her arms around me too and we fall asleep while holding onto each other.

I wake up the next morning to find Jane still wrapped up in my arms. I almost expected her to try to wake up before me and sneak out of the room like she's been doing for the last month. Her confession last night made me so happy, but I can't help but think that she's going to freak out on me. She's never dated a woman, her mother is Catholic, she's fought her whole career to keep from being labeled the "dyke" cop that some of those lesser cops make her out to be. She can't change her mind though. I don't think I could go back to just being her best friend. I've never loved anyone as much as I love Jane. She's so beautiful and looks so at peace. I'm pretty sure she's only capable of this peaceful look when she's asleep. I trace her features with my fingers. Her eyes stay closed but her lips turn up into a smile.

"Good morning" she says as she opens her eyes. Her voice is even raspier first thing in the morning. It's incredibly sexy. I can't help but be a little turned on.

"Good morning to you too. I'm sorry if I woke you. You're very beautiful you know. I didn't even realize I was touching your face until you started to wake up."

"That's ok. I liked it." She leans toward me and our lips meet in a sweet kiss. "You know I'm not really a morning person, but if I get to wake up next to you every morning, I think I might become one." She kisses me again with a little more intensity. I pull back slowly. If we don't get out of this bed soon, I might not be able to control myself, and I'm determined for this relationship to move at Jane's pace. She told me last night she wasn't ready yet, and I have to respect that.

"Are you hungry? I can make us some breakfast while you take Jo for her morning walk."

"That sounds great. Can we have bacon and eggs?"

"Turkey bacon and egg whites?

"No, real bacon and eggs scrambled with cheese." She leans in and kisses me again. If she keeps kissing me like this, we're going to miss breakfast altogether. We get out of bed make our way downstairs.

"I'll make you your bacon and eggs, but we're eating something healthy for lunch."

"Deal."

We get through our morning routine and make it out the door on time, despite the frequent stops for kisses. We walk out and I see both of our cars. I forgot she followed me back here last night. I suddenly become very anxious. I'm not ready to be separated from her. What if, once alone with her thoughts, she realizes how different things are going to be between us now and she panics? What if she decides that this is all just too much?

"W-we could ride in to the station together…if you want." It's like she can read my mind.

"I'd love to" I say to her.


	6. Chapter 6

**Wow midterms suck! I meant to post this last week, but I've had an insane amount of stuff to do at school. I hope y'all enjoy this chapter. Reviews are appreciated, as always.**

We hold hands as I drive us to work. Maura always hates it when I listen to my loud rock music, so I leave the radio turned off and we ride in comfortable silence. I park out in front of the station and squeeze her hand before letting go and getting out of the car. I really didn't want to have to be separated from her, but we walked over to the elevators and Maura went down to the morgue while made my way up to the bull-pen. I sat down at my desk to check my e-mail. I finished reading the last one right as Frost walked through the door.

"Morning Frost."

"Goooodmorning Jane! I swung by your place last night with some beers to go over some of the more hilarious parts of your surveillance footage, but you were nowhere to be found. Did one of your lady dates actually work out?"

"Oh ha ha you are _sooo_ funny. No, none of my lady dates worked out. I spent the night at Maura's."

"And how did _that_ work out?" he says with a smirk. I know he's just teasing, but I swear he knows how I feel about her. He always gets this smug look on his face whenever I say Maura's name like he can see right through me. I decide to mess with him a little.

"Oh it was wonderful! She and I professed our undying love for one another and then spent all night having hot, dirty, wild lesbian sex."

Frost had picked the wrong time to take a sip of his drink. As soon as that came out of my mouth, he spit his coffee nearly across the room.

"What's going on in here?" Korsak asks as he enters the room.

"Nothing much, just filling Frost in on my activities last night."

"Oh yeah? Do anything interesting?"

"Hopefully solved this case. Have we got the results back from the stuff we collected last night? Maur said she was gonna push them to the top of the list &amp; have the night techs rush the results."

"Actually I saw Maura in the café when I was coming in. She said she was gonna be up here in just a few minutes to go over what they found." Korsak says.

"What about the footage from last night? You guys see anything or anybody you think was interesting?"

"You mean did we see anything apart from the fact that you're a total lady magnet?" Frost says, prompting a laugh from Korsak and a scowl from me.

"Geez, I mean did any of those women from last night strike you as a killer?"

"That last one, what was her name? She gave me the creeps." Korsak says with a shudder.

"Yeah, she's definitely my pick for this." Frost adds.

"None of your dates last night were a match." Maura says as she walks in the bull-pen. I can't help but smile when I see her. She walks over to my desk and hands me a coffee.

We talk some more about the case and I think I know who the murderer is. I head back to the Merch and talk to the owner. She hit on me the other day so I decide to try to use that for all its worth. I really need her DNA and I can think of only one way to get it without tipping her off that that's what I'm doing. It works and I head back to the lab.

"I need you to swab my neck for DNA?"

"What? Why?"

"It's for the case. I think the club owner was the murderer so I got her DNA for comparison."

"On your neck? Why is her DNA on your neck? You couldn't just ask her for a sample?" Maura sounds a little agitated.

"No, I couldn't let her know I was getting her DNA. I don't think she was acting alone and I can't have her tipping off her accomplice. Wait, are you-are you mad her DNA is on my neck? Maura, you know I was just doing my job, right?"

"Well…I…yes, I know you were just doing your job. It's just…I haven't gotten to kiss your neck yet and now some skanky, bartender murderer did." Maura says as she stands and swabs my neck. She is so beyond cute.

"You know, I wouldn't mind you kissing my neck." I say with a smirk.

She looks around the lab and sees that we're alone. She seals the swab and puts it down on the table. She looks back over at me and puts one hand on my neck and one hand on my hip. She leans in towards me and I close my eyes. I can feel her breath on my neck. Just when I think her lips are about to make contact, she tilts her head up and whispers "Mmmm…" she blows into my ear "Maybe later, I think you should shower first."

Maura Isles is the meanest person on the face of the earth. She smiles at me and winks, then turns around and walks out of the room swaying her hips leaving me standing there trying to remember how to breathe. Once I remember how to make my legs work I start to walk mindlessly out of the room and I wind up in Maura's office. I sit down in the chair across from hers and wait for her to come in. She does a few minutes later and sits down. "Detective, can I help you with something?" she says with a little too much enthusiasm.

"No. I just couldn't remember how to get back upstairs." She immediately starts laughing at me.

"Oh, you just wait Dr. Isles, I'll get you back for this. I'll have the last laugh."

"Jane?"

"Yeah?"

"Would you like to have dinner with me this evening?"

"Sounds good to me. You want me to pick up some pizza or how about some Chinese? I can meet you at your place around 7. I've got some extra paperwork to finish up. Oh wait, we rode in together this morning. I guess you could just take my car and I could catch a ride with Frost or Frankie."

"No Jane th-that's not what I meant. I, uh actually wanted us to go out. To a nice place. Like-like a date."

"Oh…like a date-date. Umm, yeah uh sure." I don't know why I sound so hesitant. I've wanted to be with her for a while now and we go out together all the time, but for some reason the idea of an official date scares me a little. Will this be different than all the other times we've gone out together? Do I have to dress up? What about PDA? I can't risk being seen on an obvious date with Maura until I've talked to Ma. Oh God, I have to talk to Ma about this. I know she loves me, but will she be able to accept this? Wait, I have to think about Ma later, right now Maura is looking at me and she looks like she's about to cry.

"Oh, I-I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, w-we don't have to go out if you don't want to Jane. Excuse me." she says in a shaky voice as she walks out of her office.

Well shit, I totally screwed that up. I jump up to follow her out, but I knock a file off of her desk in the process. I stop to pick it up and by the time I make it out in the hall she's nowhere to be seen. I pick up my cell to call her, but I can hear her phone buzzing on her desk. Ok, I'm a detective, finding her shouldn't be a problem right? She doesn't have a car and she doesn't have her purse or phone, so she's probably still in the building. I look around the lab and the morgue first with no luck. I go check the bathroom and she's not there either. I decide to go check out the café, but as I walk towards the elevator I notice that she's returned to her office. She's standing at her desk, with her back to me. I tap on the door frame and make my presence known. She doesn't turn around right away. She takes a deep breath and then slowly turns around to face me. She still looks upset, but I think I can also see a little anger there too.

"What do you want Jane?"

"I want to go out on a date with you."

"Jane, we don't have to, it's fine. We…"

"Maura, will you look at me please?" I wait for her to make eye contact with me. "Maur, I didn't mean to sound so weird before. I absolutely want to go out on a date with you. I just got…I was…I just started thinking that, I know we go out together all the time, but this will be different. Now that I know I can hold your hand or kiss you, I really want to be able to do those things like I would on any other date, but I can't…"

I have no idea how to finish that sentence. It's not like I'm embarrassed to be with Maura. I actually don't care what anybody else thinks about us, except…I'm so scared of telling Ma. Would Maura understand that? I decide to just be totally honest with her. "Maur, I love you and I'm honored that you would even consider wanting to spend time with me, but you know how I've told you I've never been with another woman?"

She looks at me hesitantly and nods. "Ok well, I just got a little nervous about how…certain people might take seeing us out together."

"Are you ashamed of me?"

"No, it's not that. Maur, my Ma…"

"Oh, Jane" she interrupts "I didn't even think about that. I'm sorry I overreacted. I know your Mother is very religious and I didn't think about that. I didn't mean to pressure you."

"You didn't pressure me, Maura. I honestly don't care what anybody else thinks, but I don't want my Ma to hear about us from somebody else that might see us out together. I want to tell her myself…I'm just kinda nervous about it, but I definitely _will_ tell her. Just give me some time to figure out the best way to do that. Ok?"

She smiles at me. "That's completely understandable Jane. I can wait until after you talk to your mother for our first date." We smile at each other. "My offer to join me for dinner still stands though. Would you still be willing to go pick us up some Chinese and come over to my house?"

"Absolutely."

"You can keep your car though. I'll just get Suzie to give me a ride home. You'll be there around 7?"

"You know what, screw paperwork. I'll be ready to leave in about an hour?"

"Ok, I'll meet you in the lobby at 5:30 then."

I wink at her and head back upstairs. I rush through the rest of my obligations and wrap up my workday. I get off the elevator and I find Maura ready and waiting for me in the lobby. We walk out to the car and as soon as we pull away from the station she slips her hand into mine. We pick up our dinner and head back home. Wait, not home Maura's. She walks in ahead of me and greets our pets while I reach into the back seat to pick up our food and bring it in. I set the food on the counter and turn around to see Maura over by the fridge getting a beer out for me. I walk over to her and she holds the beer out for me. I take it and set it down on the counter and grab her hand. I pull her closer to me and wrap my arms around her waist. She puts her arms around me too. I nuzzle my face into her neck, and I feel a soft kiss on my own neck. I was wrong when I mentally corrected myself earlier calling this Maura's place-this is home.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you to everyone who's reading this story. I am amazed by the follows and reviews! I decided to go ahead and post this chapter for y'all since I've got a pretty heavy load at school this next week and I likely won't have time to work on this for the next couple of weeks. As always, please review. I gladly look forward to reading any praise or criticism you may have in order to make the story the best I can. **

**Oh, and just a little note for this chapter: I never really cared for Frank Sr. so I'm just pretending he and Angela have already divorced. I have Angela working in the café, but I don't have her living in Maura's guesthouse yet.**

It's been a week since Jane told me that she wanted to go out with me. She said she wanted to go out with me, but she just needed to figure out how to talk to her mother about us first. I completely understand her need to do that. I know she grew up in a very devout Catholic family, so this is probably difficult for her. I don't know how much longer I can wait though. Jane has already expressed her apprehension about us becoming intimate, and I know telling her family, her mother specifically, is part of why she's holding back. She's also nervous because she's never been with a woman, although I have a feeling that once it actually happens she'll be able to overcome any inhibitions she has. I, on the other hand, am more than ready. Just thinking about last night has me nearly melting in my seat.

_We had just been sitting on the couch together at my house. We were watching Shark Week. Jane decided it was the perfect compromise. I wanted to watch a documentary about the origins of forensic pathology while Jane wanted to watch the movie Jaws. She said Shark Week was perfect since she wanted to watch sharks and I wanted to watch something "science-y". It was far from being "science-y" enough to be something I'd choose myself, but Jane was happy so I was happy. She was very into the show, but I don't think I had watched more than a minute of it. I was watching her. My big, brave badass cop was flinching every time that the shark moved quickly towards the divers even though they were in a cage. I could barely hold back my laughter. Then they started showing some footage of another dive group that wasn't using a cage. One of the divers had a shark strike out at one of the divers and it latched on to his arm. Jane gasped and grabbed my thigh. That prompted me to make a gasp of my own. Jane looked over at me and she realized where her hand was and pulled it away quickly. _

_Sadly, this had become a fairly common occurrence over the last couple of days. Jane and I had done some fairly innocent touching, and hugging, and none of our kisses had been very intense after that first night when we told each other how we felt. We go to bed with each other every night, but all we do is cuddle and sleep. If I try to initiate anything at all, she would roll over to the far side of the bed, or excuse herself to the restroom. It was driving me absolutely crazy! _

_Jane had turned back to face the TV, but I was still watching her. The sensations I felt when she grabbed my thigh sent tingles to other places that I desperately desired to feel her touch. _

"_Put it back."_

"_What?"_

"_Put your hand back on my leg."_

"_Wha-why?"_

"_Well why did you pull it away so quickly? I have no problem whatsoever with you touching me…You do want to touch me, right?" she nods in affirmation." I liked it, so put your hand back on my leg…please."I say with a smirk._

_She rolls her eyes then sighs and puts her hand back, but she's back to facing the TV again. I grab her hand and intertwine our fingers. I rub my thumb across her hand slowly. She seems un-phased by this action. I unclasp our hands and put her hand palm down on my leg. I put my hand on top of hers and remain still for a little while. After a few minutes, I start stroking the back of her hand and her forearm with my fingertips. I hear her breath hitch, but her eyes remain focused on the TV screen almost a little too intensely. I stop the movement of my hand and she lets out a quiet sigh. As soon as she does this I use my hand to move hers across my thigh. I guide it slowly towards the inside of my thigh and then back out again. I'm fairly certain Jane is holding her breath. I move our hands side to side on my leg for several moments until I finally slowly start to move our hands up thigh not stopping until we're centimeters away from my center. Jane finally looks over at me, and I'm surprised by how dark her eyes have become. I keep our eyes locked as I make a move to straddle her legs. Once I'm where I want to be, I take both of her hands and place them on my hips. I put both of my own hands in her hair and I turn her head up towards me as I lower my head down to hers. Our lips meet softly at first, and my eyes close. We move our mouths gently against one another's...at first. The kiss only stays tame for a few seconds because I can't help myself and I move my tongue across her bottom lip. Jane opens her mouth to release a moan and I use that opportunity to slip my tongue into her mouth. As soon as our tongues meet, Jane moves her hands from my hips around to my lower back. I slowly start to move my hips in her lap. I leave one hand in her hair holding her face against mine while I slowly trail the other hand down her neck and then down to her clavicle. After several seconds, I continue my downward motion until my hand arrives at her chest. I can feel her nipple harden under my hand as I begin to massage her breast. I feel her hands drop down to my backside. I pull my tongue out of her mouth, and move my lips down her jaw to her neck where I start placing wet kisses everywhere my lips can reach. This prompts Jane to give me a firm squeeze, and I start moving my hips faster and more firmly. Just as I start to think about how nothing has ever felt more perfect, Jane moves her hands back to my hips and stops my movements. _

"_Maur"she moans. Her voice is incredibly sexy when she's panting like this. I stop kissing her neck and start sucking on it instead. "Maur" this time it comes out more like a growl. I use my teeth to gently bite down on her neck. I can feel her hands digging into my hips. "Maur, we need…oh god…we need to stop." As she says this, she brings one hand up to the back of my head and laces her fingers in my hair as she gently pulls me back from her neck. I don't understand what she's doing at first and I make a move to kiss her again. Jane rolls me off her lap and stands up quickly. We're both breathing so fast; it takes me a minute to find my voice._

"_Why did you make me stop?" I pant. " Weren't you enjoying yourself? I certainly was enjoying what we were doing."_

"_Me too."_

"_Then why did you stop me?" _

"_I just want to do this right. You deserve to be with somebody who'll take you out and shout from the rooftops how amazing you are and I can't even manage to tell my Ma." _

"_Jane, there's no rush to tell your mother. Take all the time you need…I still don't understand though."_

"_Understand what?"_

"_Why you stopped us. I was really looking forward to where that was going."_

"_Like I said, I want to do this right. I want to take you out to a nice place, enjoy a drink or two, drive you home, and walk you to your door. I want to do all those normal date things. You deserve better than take out and Shark Week. I promise to tell Ma tomorrow and if you're still interested, I'd like to take you out Friday night."_

_I can't stop the smile creeping up on my face. She is so sweet and thoughtful, and definitely worth waiting for._

"_Actually, I'm the one who asked you out first, so I'd like to take you out Friday night."_

"_Nope, I'm the one making you wait, and besides I did tell you if I dated a woman that I'd be the guy, so I'm taking you out."_

_We stare each other down for a few more seconds before I feel the smile beginning to form on my lips."I'll allow it this time, but sometime soon I want my turn to be the guy. You're a beautiful woman and you deserve to be treated that way too, okay?"_

"_Deal" she says as she moves in to seal it with a kiss._

After that Jane went out to walk Jo Friday and I went to take a _**very**_cold shower. I feel myself shudder involuntarily in my seat. I hate being unprofessional and daydreaming at work, but I don't have anything to do in the lab right now and being stuck at my desk is painfully dull. Thinking about Jane last night has me all worked up and I desperately need a distraction. Just as I'm about to get up and walk to the lab to steal a job from one of my techs, I hear my phone buzz.

**-Hey I won't be able to meet for lunch today. I'm about to meet my Ma in the café for lunch and to talk. I figured telling her in a public place was best. It might keep her from having a melt down. **

I type out my response.

**-Are you sure you want to do this alone? You know I wouldn't mind going with you.**

**-No, no worries. I got this. I'll come down and see you after lunch. Love you.**

**-I love you too. Good luck.**

I desperately want to be there for Jane, but I know how independent she is. I know how protective she is too, and I wonder if she's trying to shield me from the situation in case Angela responds unfavorably to the news. I make my way over to the lab when my phone buzzes again. I answer, and I'm informed of a fresh body found. I make my way to the crime scene and find out that the case hasn't been assigned to Jane. I get to work and make my primary assessments. By the time the body makes it back to the morgue its nearing the end of my work day, and I realize that I never heard from Jane after lunch. I collect some trace evidence, but decide to push the autopsy to tomorrow. I pull my phone back out and call Jane. I don't get an answer. I decide to call it a day and I gather my things to leave. I glance in the café on my way out to see if Angela is still there, but I don't see her. I walk in and ask if she's still there, but I'm informed that she never came back after her lunch break. I call Jane again as I pull away from the station. Her phone goes straight to voice mail. I leave her a message asking her to call me. I send her a text as well saying the same thing, just in case she's somewhere that she can't answer the phone. I decide to drive by Jane's apartment, but I don't see her car. I walk up and knock on her door, but I get no answer. I'm beginning to get a little worried. I decide to drive by her mother's address too. Angela's car is there, but Jane's is not. I don't want to go talk to Angela before I've heard from Jane. I try her cell again and still, no response. I call Frost and he says that Jane called him after lunch saying she didn't feel well and that she was going home. I start to panic. If she and Angela both went home after lunch I think it's probably highly likely that their talk didn't go well. I have to find her. I know she's not at home, because I've already been there. I try to think of where she could have gone. I check the Dirty Robber then the batting cages since I know those are her favorite places to go when she's upset. I am just about at my wits end when I think of one more place she may go if she's upset.


	8. Chapter 8

_Wow, I did not intend to stay away as long as I have. Since the last time I posted I've had midterms, finals, started a new semester of classes, had Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, my birthday, and I came out to my family (which went about as well as I should have expected coming from a small town Alabama super religious family). Anyway, I'm back now and updates should be closer together from here on out. Let me know what you think about this chapter._

* * *

I feel like I've just fallen asleep when I hear someone pull in the driveway. I knew she'd find me sooner or later, I mean, she had to come home eventually right? Crap, I just realized that I never went back down to see her after my talk with Ma. What time is it? Where did I put my phone? I hope she's not upset that I never showed up for lunch…and that I let myself into her house without her permission…and that I proceeded to down half a bottle of her very expensive scotch, also without permission. When I left the precinct earlier, I very seriously considered heading home and just locking myself up in my own apartment forever, but then I remembered that Jo was here. I intended to come by and pick her up then leave, but once I got here, I just couldn't bring myself to leave. This feels more like home anyway. Ugh, this is going to be an awful conversation. Why am I such a pansy when it comes to my personal life? What if she gives up on me? What if she realizes that I'm not worth it? What if she gets mad? She's never been mad at me before. Maybe the alcohol was a bad idea. What if I pretend to be asleep? No, her super doctor senses would probably tell her I was faking it. Could I make it out of here before she comes in? Never mind, the front door is opening and here I am on her couch with a half empty bottle on the table.

"Jane?! Jane?! Are you here?!"

"Yeah" I answer quietly. "I'm here."

"What are you doing here?! Are you ok?!" she says. She looks completely terrified and I can tell that she's been crying. _Oh shit! What have I done?_

"Jane" I can hear the strain in her voice, "are you ok?"

I stand up and pull her into my arms, "Yeah, Maur…I'm fine" _Oh man, she's not gonna cry now is she? I don't want to see that. _"I…I didn't mean to upset you…Come here" I pull her back down to the couch with me. "I'm sorry Maur."

"Jane…I thought something had happened to you. Nobody knew where you were and you weren't answering your phone. You can't just disappear on me like that! I was so worried that something had happened to you. I thought you may have been taken…again! Why would you scare me like that?!" She ends her mini freak out and looks around the room. The look on her face shifts from worried to angry when she sees the scotch bottle on the table. "Are you-are you drunk?" "

"What…no I'm not drunk."

"Really?" she points to the bottle.

"Umm Bass did it."

"Bass drank ½ a bottle of Scotch?"

"Yeeesss?"

"He is not capable of opening the liquor cabinet or reaching the top shelf where I had placed that bottle."

"Maybe he's a super turtle"

"Tortoise and he doesn't drink scotch…he likes vodka." she says and she finally gives me a smile. Thank goodness because she's scary when she's mad. "What is going on with you?"

I can feel her staring at me, but I just continue looking down at my hands. She turns my head and I notice that her expression has softened. "Did things not go well with your mother?"

"_Ididn'ttellher_" I mumble.

"What was that Jane? Use your grown up voice please."

I take a deep breath, "Lunch with my mother was awful, but not for the reason you probably think…I, I didn't tell her about us…I'm sorry."

She doesn't look hurt exactly, more like she's confused. She takes my hand in hers and rubs my scar with her thumb. "I told you that you don't have to tell anyone until you're ready. My love for you is unconditional, so if you're upset because you think I'm disappointed then you don't need to be. Ok?"

I nod in response, and finally look her in the eyes. I know she means what she is saying, but she deserves so much more than to be my secret girlfriend. She leans in and presses a soft kiss to my lips. Why in the world does she even spend time with me, much less love me.

"Why was lunch with your mother awful?" she asks softly as she pulls away.

"Because I forgot that the universe revolves around her, and I'm not allowed to have my own life" I grumble. Maura just rolls her eyes at me. I know I sound like a 13 year old, but I'm cranky and sad and drunk so that's what comes out.

"Jane, remember, big girl voice." Now I roll my eyes.

"Well, _I _invited _her_ to lunch, because _I_ told _her_ that _I _had something important to tell _her_, but as soon as we sat down she started talking about herself." Maura nods in understanding. "She's got a lot going on, so I listened like a good daughter. My pop wants to make the separation official &amp; he brought papers for her to sign because he met some bimbo younger than I am, which um eww."

"Agreed."

"Right?! Then she started talking about how Tommy was supposed to get out next week, but he got in a fight in the cafeteria so now he has to serve out the rest of his sentence instead of getting early release."

"Wow, she is going through a lot."

"I know and that's not even the worst of it."

"Its not?"

I sigh, "She's losing the house."

"Oh no, Jane. That's just terrible."

"Yeah, I know. I grew up in that house…where is she gonna go Maur? She doesn't make enough to live anywhere decent…where is she gonna go? My apartment is only a one bedroom and Frankie's got roommates."

I look over and see that Maura has her thinking face on. She's so freakin cute. "I have an idea. Actually I have two ideas."

"Of course you do, you're a genius." She gives me the most adorable grin. "What kind of ideas do you have?"

"Well, the first one is that she...umm…well I have an empty guest house and she could stay here."

I start shaking my head before she even finishes her sentence. "Absolutely not Maur."

"Why not?"

"Ok, don't get me wrong, I love my mother, but you have no idea what living with her is like. You will never have any privacy ever again."

"Jane" she says with a little laugh "I'm sure she's not that bad, and the guest house is a whole separate dwelling."

"Doesn't matter. She is physically incapable of staying in her own space or minding her own business."

"Well if that's all, then I think I can handle it. I like your mother."

"That's not the only reason I don't want her staying here." I put some thought in how to best word the next thing I say. We never talk about Maura's money because it makes her uncomfortable. I cracked a joke about her being loaded one time when she told me she had on an $800 coat and she had the most wounded look on her face so now I avoid all money talk.

"Well, what other concerns do you have? Is the space too small? I know her current home is a larger than my guest house."

"No Maur, that's not it. Your guest house is nicer than my apartment." I take a deep breath. "How much would you charge my mother in rent?"

The look on her face is a mix of confusion and disappointment. "Why do you ask?"

"Because I have a feeling that my mother can't afford the rent on anything in Beacon Hill."

"Do you…are you worried that I'd overcharge her?"

"No, but I do have the sneaky suspicion that you'd let her live here rent free." The look on her face confirms my theory. I reach over and pull her hand into my lap. "You are kindest, most generous person I know, but my mother is not your responsibility."

"I know she's not, but I just want to help you."

"I know that and thank you, but my mother living here rent free is not my favorite idea. What's your other idea?"

"Ok, well you umm, you bought your apartment correct?"

"Yeah, I signed all the papers and such right before Hoyt. Why?"

"Would you charge your mother rent?"

"Umm no, she's my mother." I'm beyond confused right now. I just told her that living with my Ma was not something any sane person would be interested in. Maybe I'm a little drunker than I thought. "Maur my apartment is a one bedroom. It's too small for me and Ma. Do you think I should sell it and look for something bigger?"

"I thought you didn't want to live with your mother."

"I don't…I'm confused."

"Well my idea is that you could umm you could move out and let your mother stay in your apartment."

"Then I'd be homeless."

"Not if you move in with me."

If I hadn't been sitting down already, I'm pretty sure I would have fallen down. "Wow, I knew U-hauling was a lesbian thing but Maur this is just crazy!"

"You think the idea of living with me is crazy?" she looks at me like I just kicked her turtle.

"What, no, Maur that's not what I meant. I meant the U-hauling."

"U-hauling?"

"Yeah you know the joke, what does a lesbian bring on the second date?" She shakes her head no. "A U-haul." She still looks confused. "As in, lesbian relationships move way too fast"

"Oh" she giggles.

"We haven't even been on our first date yet. You really are an overachiever aren't you? Well, I definitely don't want to live with Ma and I don't want her to live here. We'd never have a moment alone...like ever. I guess if I offer Ma my apartment and tell her I'm moving in with you I'll have no choice but to tell her about us."

"Jane, I'm not forcing you into doing anything you aren't ready for. I umm...excuse me," she gets up from the couch and walks to the kitchen.

I'm totally confused for a minute before I realize what just happened. I jump up to go after her and then trip over my boots that I had left in the middle of the floor. I try to catch myself but I face plant the wall. I feel like I just got punched "Shit!"

"Jane what was th...oh my what happened? Let me see."

"It's nothing Maur, I'm fine. I was trying to run in here to explain..."

"You're not fine. The whole right side of your face is swelling. Come in here and let me get you some ice."

"No, I need to tell you what I came in here to tell you first." She is about to protest so I start talking before she can get a word in. "I know you would never force me to do anything I wasn't ready for. I want to live with you and I want to tell people about us. I know how what I said sounded but I that's not what I meant. I meant the prospect of being able to live with you is the best motivator ever to quit being such a pussy and just telling Ma everything. That comment was about me, not you. If I wasn't drunk, I'd drive over to Ma's right now. Actually," I say as I start looking for my phone, "I'll just call her right now."

"Jane stop. Come here and let me get you some ice for your face."

I follow her into the kitchen and sit down on one of the bar-stools while she gets me some ice. I watch her move around her kitchen and think about what it would be like for this to be our kitchen. Everything in here is so clean and catalog worthy. What would it look like with my Nana's cookie jar on the counter or crumbs on the bar because I forgot to clean them up? She walks back over to me and gently presses the ice pack to my face.

"Do you really want me to live with you?" Her gaze shifts from my injury to my eyes. "I'm a slob and this place looks perfect. I'm not perfect. I leave clothes piled up and my boots in the middle of the floor and crumbs on the counter. Wouldn't that get on your nerves?"

"The first time you spent the night here, you left a pair of sweatpants in the guest room and your coffee cup on the counter. I saw those things and I just-I was just so glad that you stayed here with me. Nobody ever stays with me and even when I did have, umm overnight guests they were never comfortable. It was like they couldn't get out of here fast enough. They got what they wanted and then they left. I like you being here. You make my house feel like a home."

I move her hand and the ice pack as I pull her to stand between my legs. I lean forward and she meets me halfway. I wrap my arms around her waist and she wraps her arms around the back of my neck. Our lips press together and I flinch. I so desperately want to keep kissing her but my face really hurts. She pulls back and picks up the ice pack and presses it back to my face. I put my hand over hers.

"We'll talk more about this when you're sober. Hold this on your face while I fix us some dinner."

"You're perfect, and I love you."

"I love you too Jane."


	9. Chapter 9

_**Time for a little drama…**_

* * *

I'm standing in my closet looking through my clothes. I pull a few different options and stick my head back out into my bedroom where Jane is laying on the bed. "Hey Jane."

"Maur, everything you own looks amazing."

"Aww come on Jane will you please just help me pick one. I want to look perfect tonight."

"You look perfect all the time."

"Please help me." I know I sound incredibly needy right now, but this night means a lot to me. After our talk the other day, Jane and I agreed that we needed to tell Angela about us and propose our idea for her new living arrangements. At first Jane insisted that she should try again on her own, but I begged her to let me be there too. I don't think it's that Jane doesn't want me there. I think she's more concerned with shielding me from anything bad her mother might say. I managed to convince her that I'm a big girl and I'm not afraid of harsh words. I told her that I love her and that I want to be there with her for this. Maybe if we're together Angela will be able to see how much we love each other.

"Ok, ok calm down woman" Jane joins me in my closet and I hold up the red dress and the grey dress I was trying to decide between. She scrunches up her nose at them and walks over to the rest of my dresses. For someone who seemed so uninterested in clothes less than a minute ago, she now seems to be taking this dress picking assignment very seriously.

"This one" she says as she picks up a cobalt blue dress with ¾ sleeves and a tulip skirt.

"That's from two seasons ago, I can't wear that!"

"Yep and you're gonna wear it with those tan shoes that are made by that designer whose name sounds like a sneeze."

"Sneeze?...oh, like ah-choo. Jimmy Choo?"

"Yeah, that one."

"I don't' have any tan Jimmy Choo's."

"Wha-yes you do, right here" she grabs them of the shelf.

"Those are not tan, those are cream." I get the eye roll that always follows one of my 'ridiculous specific' descriptions as Jane likes to call them. "Why am I wearing an outfit and shoes from two seasons ago?"

"Because I like them."

"But this one is brand new. I just got it back from my tailor yesterday." I whine as I hold the grey one up again. She doesn't even look at the dress as she walks over to my jewelry and picks up a necklace with a platinum chain and a single pearl pendant.

"This too." she says.

I frown and look back at my new grey dress again and then back to the outfit Jane has chosen. It looks nice, but its nothing spectacular.

"Are you sure?" I ask with a sigh.

"Yep."

"May I ask why?"

"Do you remember when we first met?"

"You mean when you were an angry, sassy prostitute who was too proud to take my money and advice?"

"No, not that time." she says with a laugh. "And come on, you wouldn't come near me without those gloves on. No, I meant do you remember the first time we were properly introduced as detective and medical examiner."

I think for a minute. "I do. We had a double homicide in Dorchester and you…"

"I what?"

"I got there before you did and was halfway through my preliminary examination when you came on the scene. You-you asked Korsak why the snobby, nutritionist Barbie was there?" Jane flinches.

"Yeah…I did say that."

"Why?"

"Honestly…I was worried I had been caught checking you out. You had on this exact outfit and I just couldn't look away…I had never looked at another woman like that before in my life and I didn't know how to deal with it, so I opened my big mouth to deflect."

I can't help the proud smirk that makes its way across my face. "You thought I was hot huh?"

"No." My smile falters. "No I didn't think you were hot. I thought you were gorgeous. I still do." She puts the pearl necklace down and walks over to where I'm standing. "You are the most beautiful person in the world, inside and out, and whatever you put on will look amazing on you."

"Thank you." I can't believe she remembers my outfit from that day. She's staring at me so lovingly now, almost as if she's trying to make sure I believe what she's saying to me. I want to kiss her. Hard. I want to take her to bed. I want her to know that there is no way that I'm the most beautiful person in the world. I'm not even the most beautiful person in this room. I want to run my hands over her naked body, Kiss every inch of her skin. I slowly turn away from her. If she looks at me like that much longer then my restraint will run out. "Unzip me? I need to get changed if we're going to make it to the restaurant on time."

"Oh…uh…ok, sure. I-I can do that." I feel her start to slowly ease the zipper down. Her fingers graze my skin as she traces over the newly exposed skin on my back. This was a bad idea. My desire is only intensified now.

"Jane" I really hate how breathy it sounds when I say her name. I feel her lips on my shoulder, and my whole body shudders. I clear my throat and try again. "Jane."

"Yeah?" _god, ok_, maybe talking to her was a bad idea too. I've never heard her voice sound like that.

"Umm, I think you should wait for me downstairs or I'll never be able to finish getting ready."

"Yeah, yeah that's probably a good idea. I'm gonna go to the guest room and get ready myself."

I stay facing away from her as she turns to leave. I wait until I hear the door close before I let out the breath I've been holding. I'm a patient woman, but if Jane doesn't tell me she's ready to be intimate with me soon I may lose my mind. I take a deep breath and finish getting ready. After Jane's little confession earlier I decide to wear the outfit that she picked out. I still can't get over how amazingly sweet she can be sometimes. I look over at the clock as I put the finishing touches on my make up. We should be able to make it to the restaurant in plenty of time to meet Angela. I grab my shoes and make my way downstairs. I can hear Jane talking in the kitchen. I walk in and she's standing with her back to me.

"Yeah Ma the reservations are for 7…Ok I'll see you there…Love you too."

She hangs up and turns around and I feel really hot all of the sudden. She's wearing her best suit. It's black with a light grey pin-stripe and I had convinced her to have it tailored so the cut and fit is way better than any of her work suits. I convinced her to buy it several months ago, but I've never seen her wear it. She's paired it with a dark purple silk button up and some conservative, but still sexy, black heels. I move my eyes up to look at her face to see that she's even wearing some light make up. She looks incredible!

"Jane, you look…wow!"

"Thanks, you look wow too."

"Thank you. Are you ready to go now."

"Yeah, Ma just called to confirm with me so she'll be there in about half an hour. Are we driving over together or did you want to take your car?"

"Oh, well, I can drive if you want me to, but I kind of thought that we would go together. You know, so we could umm…"

"Maur, this isn't me not wanting to go with you so don't worry. This is me offering you an escape plan for when my mother starts acting like a crazy person."

"I'm in this with you Jane. No matter how this evening goes I'll be by your side." She smiles at me and holds out her hand. I take it and we walk out the door together.

* * *

I convince Jane to use the restaurant's valet service, something she hates to do, so that we can walk in together. She pulls her phone out to call her mother, but I see Angela pull up, so we stand at the door and wait for her.

"Oh my goodness you girls look beautiful! Janie, why didn't you tell me this place was so fancy I would have worn a better dress! Maura how did you ever convince my baby girl to put on some make up? She's so pretty, isn't she so pretty Maura?"

I can see Jane rolling her eyes. "I didn't have to convince her at all. She surprised me too with her look tonight." I catch Jane's eyes as I answer the next question. "And yes Angela, I agree, she is very pretty." Jane's eye roll changes into a brilliant smile.

"Yes I think we can all agree that I'm absolutely _gorgeous_, let's go inside now."

We make our way inside and Jane goes to check on our table. Its ready so she comes back right away. Angela follows the host and Jane and I trail behind her. Jane puts her hand on the small of my back and the contact calms my nervousness. Jane pulls out a chair for me, while the host pulls out the chair across from me for Angela. Jane sits between us. After both Jane and her mother's insistence, I make our wine selection and we place our orders. The evening is going well. Angela has shared some rather humorous stories with us about customers from the café. I share some memories of my time spent in France after Angela hears me speak fluently with our server. Our dessert has just arrived at our table when the energy shifts and I can sense our reason for inviting Angela out is about to be addressed.

"So why did you girls invite me out on a Friday night? You girls are pretty enough to have dates with any man in the city. Isn't Friday night usually the night for dates?"

I nervously glance at Jane and she gives me a tight lipped smile. I discreetly place my hand on her leg and she takes a deep breath and looks over to her mother.

"Actually Ma, we both had a date planned for tonight, but we had something we wanted to talk to you about."

"Oh, ok what is it?"

"I umm, I told Maura about the house."

"Janie" Angela says through a forced smile "You didn't have to bother her with my problems." I could tell by her tone that she was upset that I knew anything about her situation.

"I won't say anything to anyone Angela, Jane was just very concerned about you." She softens her expression a little.

"Its actually a good thing that I told her because she had a really good idea." Jane puts her hand over the one I have on her leg. "Maur suggested that you live in my apartment."

"Well as much as I love you sweetie, and as thoughtful as that is, I think it'd be a little too cramped for us."

"It wouldn't be us Ma, it'd just be you."

"Then where would you go?"

"I'd umm…well I plan on…what I mean is…"

"I've invited Jane to live with me."

"Aren't you girls a little too old for room mates?"

"We wouldn't be room mates Ma."

"But then why…I'm confused."

"Maur and I are together."

"Together? Like together together?"

"Yes"

Angela looks back and forth between Jane and I several times and then her eyes focus in on me.

"How long? How long have you been corrupting my daughter?" I don't know how to respond to her and I feel like I'm about to burst into tears. Jane squeezes my hand.

"Ma I haven't been corrupted. I fell in love."

"Love?! LOVE?! I can't listen to this. I raised you better than this Jane."

"What are you saying Ma?"

"I'm saying that I have never been more disappointed in all my life. I-I can't be here anymore. I can't even look at you." Angela gets up and practically runs out of the restaurant.

I look over to Jane and see tears forming in her eyes. "Maur, I have to get out of here, we ha-have to leave." I can tell by her voice that there will be tears soon. I flag our server down and hand him enough to cover our bill plus a very generous tip. Jane is already standing at the valet booth when I make it outside. Her car is pulled around and she climbs in the passenger side. I take the driver's seat. We don't even make it a mile before I have to pull over into a vacant parking lot. As soon as I shift into park, Jane flings herself into my arms and falls apart.


	10. Chapter 10

**Sorry I stayed away so long, but hey, I've mapped out the rest of the story. I've already written a draft of the next chapter so maybe I won't have such a big gap between this chapter and the next. Thanks to all of you still reading this! Please review and let me know what you think.**

3:00 A.M.

She held me so tight and I felt so safe with her, but now at 3am, by myself I just feel lost…broken…unworthy…ashamed. She's never gonna take me back now. Why did I leave? She was crying, begging me to stay and still, I left her. I hate myself…and Ma…and God. She was nothing but supportive. Why didn't I stay?

5 Hours Earlier

"I'm s-so s-sorr-y Maura. I-I never expected Ma to b-blame you for how I feel. Y-you didn't corrupt me. All you ever did was l-love me." I had fully prepared myself to hear Ma disapprove and use religion in her disapproval of my life choices, I was ready for that. But to hear my own mother blame my girlfriend and then tell me that she has never been more disappointed in my choices…it was devastating. She didn't even mention God. This was all Ma.

"Oh sweetie, it's alright, it's ok. I love you so much! Shhh…you're fine, we're fine."

We're still in the car where Maura had to stop when we left the restaurant. It's been at least half an hour of me breaking down and her comforting me. I'm totally embarrassed by tightly I'm hanging on to her right now, but every time I try to let go and sit back up I find that I physically can't. It's like I suddenly realize that without her I'm not a whole person. How was I the badass cop everybody thought I was before her. We sit like this for another few minutes before Maura finally calms me down enough to sit up so she can drive us home…her house…home. Oh God, is her house still gonna be our home. After my mother's reaction does Maura still want me to move in. Where's Ma gonna go, wait why do I care where Ma goes? She obviously doesn't care about me.

"Jane" it comes out like a whisper "Jane, we're home sweet heart."

"Oh…" I honestly didn't realize we were here already. I'm not sure if I should go in or just move over to the driver's seat and drive back to my own apartment. "Thanks for driving…"

"Come on Jane. Let's go get ready for bed."

I guess she still wants me to come in. I force myself out of the car and in through her front door. I make it as far as the couch before my legs quit working. I sit down as I hear Maura lock the front door. She walks into the kitchen.

"Jane…do you umm…do you want a drink?"

I can't seem to make myself answer her.

"Do you want to just go to bed?"

I still can't answer. I don't know what I want. I watch her walk over to the cabinet and she pulls out 2 glasses, then she pulls a bottle of wine from the fridge. I suddenly know what I want. I get up and walk with all the determination I have into the kitchen. Maura is facing away from me, pouring herself a glass of wine. As soon as I see her put the bottle down, I grab her arm and turn her around to face me. For a split second I see the shock registered in her eyes, but I don't dwell on it. I crash my lips into hers. She doesn't kiss me back, so I kiss her with even more force. We've had intense passionate kisses before, but that's not what this is. I realize that this is me trying to convince myself that this is right, that Ma is wrong, that Maura loves me as much as I love her. I feel her pushing against my chest, but I just keep pulling her into me. I walk her backwards the few steps it takes before her back collides with the counter. She tilts her head back and manages to escape my kiss. I try to follow, but I make the mistake of looking at her face. She has tears welling up in her eyes. She looks back up at me and blinks and the tears begin to run down her cheeks. I back away and glance down at the arm I had grabbed and there are red finger shaped marks. I've hurt her. I can't believe I hurt her. She follows my gaze. She throws her own hand over the marks to try to conceal them, but I know they're there.

"Jane, no. Jane look at me!"

I can't make myself do that though. I just keep staring at the hand covering the marks on her arm. I feel my own tears forming and threatening to spill out. I start walking backwards towards the front door. She takes a step towards me, but I throw my hands up between us. She stops immediately.

"Jane" she's full on crying now. I want to hold her, comfort her, protect her. I can't do that though. I'm the one who hurt her.

"Jane please look at me" she's begging now, but I can't do it. It's enough to see the evidence of what I've done on her arm, I can't bear to see it written all over her face too.

"Look at me! I'm fine, you didn't hurt me. I'm fine." How can she say that to me, I thought she couldn't lie.

" No…no, I have to go." I run to the door grabbing my keys on the way. I throw open her front door and run to my car. As soon as I get in, I turn it on and throw it in gear. Maura was still wearing her heels, so she didn't have time to catch me. I look in my rear view mirror though just in time to see her watch me leave. I step on the gas and start pulling away. I don't know where I'm going, I just know I can't stay here. Less than 30 seconds later I my phone is ringing. I'm not on call this weekend, so I know it's not work. Ma sure as hell isn't calling me, Frankie is still working his shift, so it has to be Maura. I don't answer, but then I remember my promise about not making her worry about where I am. I pick the phone up and text her.

-I'm can't talk right now. I driving home.

-So you're coming back?

I guess that answers my earlier question about whether or not she wants me to move in. I can't go back there tonight though. I can't sit there and look at what I've done.

-I think I'm just going to go back to my apartment.

-Please come home to me. Please, Jane?

-Not tonight. I love you Maura, I'm so sorry

I turn my phone off. I let her know where I was, but that doesn't mean I'm ready to talk to her. She'll be all calm and understanding and forgiving and then I'll wind up feeling shittier than I already do now. I pull up at my building and make my way upstairs. I open the door. I walk through and then turn around to lock it back. I do the chain and the latch too in case anybody with a key shows up. I look down expecting Jo to greet me before I remember that she's at Maura's. I walk to the fridge to get a beer, but it looks like I'm out. I lay down on the couch. Tonight was the most awful night of my life. I thought the night I spent pinned to the floor by Hoyt was impossible to beat, but hurting Maura is infinitely worse. And I get to add my mother's reaction at the restaurant into the tally for tonight. I don't know how long I'd been laying there but it must have been long enough for me to fall asleep. I wake up to voices outside my apartment. I walk over and press my ear to the door.

"I just know she's upset and hurting and she shouldn't be alone right now." It's Maura.

"Why is she hurting? What happened?" I hear Frankie's voice now too.

"It's not my news to share." she's still crying, I can hear it in her voice.

"If you're not gonna tell me what's going on Doc, then why did you call me? Why aren't you in there?"

"Sh-she won't talk to me. I've called her at least 10 times, sent countless texts, and spent the last hour trying to talk to her through this door. She needs somebody and if it can't be me it should be you."

"Aww man, look if this is a chick thing, I'm not gonna be much help. Why don't I just call Ma?"

"No! You can't!"

"Seriously Doc, you're out here crying, saying she needs somebody, and now you're saying I can't call Ma? What's going on?...Maura…are you ok?"

"I will be as soon as I know she's ok."

"Alright I'll find a way in, even if I have to break and enter, ok?"

"Thanks Frankie. Will you let me know how she is after you speak to her."

"Yeah. Hey, it's late, let me walk you to your car and then I'll come back up to break in."

I hear them move away from the door. If I hadn't started crying, I might would have opened the door and let her in. I don't deserve her sympathy though, so I just sit here right where I am. I look over at the clock, it's 3:00 A.M. God, how did everything get so screwed up? Could it have really been just yesterday that I felt like my life was perfect. I sit here for a few more minutes when I hear a soft knock on the door.

"Janie, let me in…please."

I already decided I was gonna tell Frankie as soon as I heard him talking to Maura. I open the door and let him in. He looks me in the eyes and immediately pulls me in for a hug. I let him. I can feel the tears coming but I manage to hold them back.

"Jane, what's wrong?"

"Everything."

"Anything I can do?"

"Yeah, grab the whiskey and a couple of glasses from the kitchen and have a drink with me."

"Not what I expected, but ok, we can do that." He walks over and gets us both a drink and joins me over on the couch. I drain mine in one big gulp and refill the glass.

"Ready yet?"

"I guess so…I heard you talking to Maur earlier. Did she tell you anything?"

"Only that she knows you're upset, not to call Ma…and that she loves you."

"She told you all that?"

"No, just the first 2. The last one I figured out myself. I am a cop after all, very observant."

"Really?"

He nods his head

"Ok, let me start from the beginning then." I tell him the whole story except the last part. I leave out the part where I hurt the woman I love.

"And Maura made you go home?"

"Not exactly…"

"Well then what exactly happened that led to you ignore her and barricade yourself in here?"

"I hurt her Frankie." It comes out like a whisper.

"I don't believe you. You'd never hurt her. You're more protective and careful with her than I've ever seen you be with anyone."

"I grabbed her arm…I-I hurt her."

"Did you mean to?"

"Of course not."

"Did you talk to her about it, or did you run away?" I look down at my drink. "Janie, go talk to her. She looked miserable and all she wanted was you. Go talk to her."

"What if she hates me?"

"Are you sure you're a detective?" I look back up at him totally confused.

"What?"

"That woman loves you. If you haven't figured that out, then you should just turn in that gold badge right now. Now do you need a ride or are you ok to drive?"

"I'm good...Thanks little brother."

"Anytime Janie, I'm always here for you…unless you screw up things with the Doc. She's perfect for you."

"She's just perfect in general. Alright, get out of here, I'm heading out to see my girlfriend, that is, if I still have one." We get up and walk out together. I open the door to my car and Frankie pulls me into a quick one armed hug before walking over to his own car.

"Oh, and Janie"

"Yeah?"

"Sometimes Ma can be really quick to judge, but she loves you too. Give her a little time. If she never comes around that's on her, not you, ok?"

"I can try Frankie, but I can't listen to her talk about Maura like she's corrupting me. She has to accept us or I'm done with her. I won't be made to feel like I'm wrong for falling in love."

"Hey I understand completely, and you and Maura have my full support. Goodnight Janie."

"G'night." I crank the car up and drive back over to Beacon Hill. I think about what I'm gonna say when I get there. I know I'm gonna apologize and then, well I'll get down on my knees and beg her to forgive me. I park behind her car and notice that there aren't any lights on. Maybe she went to bed. She's probably exhausted. I get out of the car and walk up to her front door. Do I knock, or use my key? I decide to use my key and right as I put it in the lock I'm surprised to hear a voice behind me.

"You came back?"

I turn around and see Maura standing in her driveway. She has tear tracks down her face, but she's not actively crying anymore.

"Yeah, yeah I-I wanted to come home. Can I?"

"I don't know Jane."


	11. Chapter 11

**Wow, so 150 followers on my first story ever! I honestly didn't think anybody would see this, so thank you to everybody reading and reviewing this story! I've held off on posting this all week trying to tell myself that I need to review it &amp; edit it, but honestly it's getting close to finals and I don't have time. So here you have it, raw and unedited. Please feel free to overlook any glaring grammatical errors ;) As always, reviews are appreciated!**

* * *

"Oh, ok…I guess I just thought…never mind. I can umm, I can just go." She's clearly struggling and now I feel bad.

"No, please don't leave!" She looks at me like she's trying to figure something out, "You said 'can I come home' I think you meant 'may I'."

"Are you making a joke right now, or just being the grammar police? Either way, really?!" She sounds annoyed, but she's smiling. I'm glad I didn't upset her too badly.

"I'm sorry Jane. You finally taught me how to make jokes. Now you just have to teach me comedic timing. "

"We'll work on it. Alright, allow me to rephrase, _may_ I please come home?"

" Jane you don't need my permission. This is our home. You chose to leave and coming back is your choice as well."

"Ok , but the reason I left was…was…because I…

"I know why sweet heart. Would you please open the door. I'd like to go inside and talk about it with you…if you're ready…no pressure."

"Ok…hey, what are you doing out here anyway?"

"It didn't feel like home without you here…I was in my car trying to decide if I should try to go back to your apartment."

She nods and then puts her key the rest of the way into the lock and opens the door. She lets me through first and then closes the door behind us and locks it back. She hasn't turned away from the door yet and I know it's because the conversation were about to have is going to make her uncomfortable. She's stalling. I gently take her hand in mine and pull her upstairs with me. We make it to the bedroom, and I try to let go of her hand, but instead she holds it between both of her own. I shift my gaze up to her face.

"Jane, I know we have to talk, but not right now. If you're anywhere as close to being as tired as I am, then I don't know how you're still standing. Let's rest, gather our thoughts and talk in the morning, ok?"

"Ok Maur, but I just want to say one thing now if that's alright." I nod and she continues. "I have never felt as deeply connected to anyone in my entire life as I feel with you. I want you to know how important you are to me, and how much I love you. I never meant to-to…"

I use my free hand to cup her cheek. A tear escapes her eye and I lean up and kiss it. She closes her eyes and let's out a sigh. I wait for her to look at me and then without breaking eye contact, I pull my hand from hers and place both my hands at the top of her chest. I push her blazer over her shoulders and down her arms. I lay it over the bench at the foot of my bed. I turn back to her and unbutton her shirt, take it off and lay it down as well. I then guide her to sit down on the bed. I reach down and pull off her shoes and set them under the bench. I stand her back up and remove her slacks as well. She's standing in front of me in her tank top and panties. We're still staring into each other's eyes. I remove the yoga pants I had put on earlier before I went to her apartment. I leave my long sleeve henley shirt on. I normally wouldn't sleep in a long sleeved shirt, but I don't want her to see my arm. It didn't really hurt, but there are finger shaped bruises there. I walk around to the other side of the bed, pull down the covers and climb in. I hold the blanket up for her and she slides in next to me. We lay on our sides facing each other. I lean over and kiss her lips softly. Then I push on her shoulder to turn her away from me. I scoot right up next to her facing the same direction and wrap her up in my arms. She loosely holds on to the arm I laid across her chest. I nuzzle my face into her neck and leave a gentle kiss there. We don't talk, but we still understand what the other is trying to communicate.

_I never meant to hurt you. Don't give up on me. Forgive me._

_You're hurting. Let me take care of you. I'm here. There is nothing to forgive._

I wait for her breathing to even out. When I think she's finally fallen asleep, I let my mind wander. How could Angela have said those things to Jane? How could any mother not be proud of a daughter like Jane? She's strong, beautiful, dedicated and kind. And why would Jane listen to her? Surely she knows how amazing she is. And that kiss earlier! I knew kisses were capable of expressing love and affection, but I've never felt that much sadness, fear or hurt. I couldn't do anything but stand there and try to absorb some of her pain. I know she thinks she hurt me, but the tears in my eyes weren't for my arm. I was consumed with the feelings she was expressing. The only pain I felt was Jane's. When she left on the other hand, that's when she hurt me. I know she needed some time to think and process the things that were said and done, but I wish she had talked to me. The evening wasn't exactly pleasant for me either. Her mother's accusation that I corrupted Jane was offensive. Jane is her own person, and makes her own decisions. And Angela had to have noticed the differences in the relationship between Jane and I versus her relationships with other friends. I picked up on them within the first week of knowing her. She would do little things like hold her arm out in front of me to make sure traffic was clear before crossing the street, or lift the police tape for me at all of our crime scenes. She would hold the door open for me or guide me around with a gentle hand on the small of my back. I'd never seen her treat her other friends that way. She always included me when others left me out. She defended me when I was being mocked, even when I didn't know what was going on anyway. She takes care of me in ways I didn't even know I needed. I want to take care of her too, but she's usually so stubborn. Like tonight, all I wanted to do was talk, help her sort out her feelings, and then hold her until she felt better. But instead of talking to me she tried to use sheer force to fix the problem. She always avoids emotions, takes the physical approach. That kiss was like she was trying to force us together physically, like that would somehow fuse us together in every way. I'm not sure who she was trying to convince though. I already know what I want. I want forever with Jane. She is so deceptively complex, that I could spend the rest of my life with her and still be just as surprised and amazed by her as I am every day. I finally start to feel relaxed enough to fall asleep. I pull her in a little tighter and kiss her shoulder before closing my eyes and drifting off to sleep.

* * *

I wake up to Jane trying to slip out of my arms. She's moving very slowly and quietly but I'm holding her so tightly that there was no way she could escape without me waking up. I pull her back into me.

"Where are you going?" My voice is gravely.

She turns over in my arms and looks at me. "I wasn't leaving. I was just gonna walk Jo and make us some coffee."

I place my hand on her cheek, but she doesn't lean into my touch like she normally would. I lean in for a kiss, and it takes her a few seconds, but she does kiss me back. She pulls away first.

"I'm gonna go walk Jo."

"We could stay here a little while longer."

"Naw, I should take her out now before she has an accident in your house."

"_Our_ house."

"What?"

"It's not just _my_ house anymore. It's _our_ house."

She gets out of bed, slides on the sweat pants she left out from the night before last, and walks to the bedroom door. "I'm gonna walk Jo."

She leaves the room and I roll over onto my back. I don't know how to put her at ease. I wish I knew what she was thinking. I can completely understand if she's upset about her mother, but I have a feeling she's more upset because she thinks she hurt me. I wish I could make those bruises disappear or…wait! I think I may have a plan, I just hope it works. I get out of bed and go to my closet. I pull my long sleeve shirt off and put on a tank top. I put on one of Jane's zip up hoodies but I leave it open. I throw my yoga pants back on, and I make my way downstairs. She's not in the kitchen so I go to the back door and look outside. Jo has run over to the far corner of the yard and Jane is standing in the middle of the yard. She's looking over in Jo's direction, but she's not really paying attention. I've never seen Jane look like she has over the past several hours. She's always so strong and confident, cocky even. It's strange to see her like this. I don't like it, but at the same time, in a weird way, it makes me feel special. I know she wouldn't ever let anybody else see her like this. She would run away, hide, make sure no one sees her. That's what she tried to do last night, but she came back. She stayed. I turn around and get started on coffee and breakfast. After a few minutes, she comes back in and sits down across from me at the bar and just watches me work.

"Is that my shirt?"

"Yes."

"It looks good on you…but you always look good."

"Thank you. I like wearing your clothes, they smell like you." I turn off the stove and split the eggs between our two plates. I put Jane's in front of her and pour us both some coffee. We sit in silence. Every once in a while, I look over at her. She's not really eating, she's kind of just pushing her eggs around on her plate. It's time to put my plan into motion. I stand up and walk over to her barstool. I turn her around to face me and I slowly remove the hoodie. Just like I suspected her eyes are fixed on my arm.

"Jane, look at me…look me in the eyes." I put my hand on her chin and lift it until she's looking at me. "I'm not hurt. I don't even feel those."

"They're there though. I did that. I bruised you."

"You didn't mean to, I know you didn't."

"We're not talking about my intentions Maura! I put my hands on you an-and now you have bruises! I did that!" She tries to move around me and get up but I won't move out from in front of her.

"I did the same thing to you!"

"What? What are you…"

I reach down to the hem of her shirt and start to pull it up and off.

"What are you doing Maur?"

Once I get the tank top off, I move my hand and hover over the top of her chest on her right side. "I saw this last night when we were getting ready for bed." I gently touch the light bruise that formed there.

"How did I get th…"

"I did that to you. I could've kissed you back last night, but instead I wanted to talk to you so I tried to push you away. When I did, I pushed hard enough to hurt you. Do you hate me now?"

"It's not the same, you were just trying to get my attention."

"And you were just trying to tell me how you were feeling, only words weren't enough."

"You can't possibly be trying to justify the fact that I hurt you!"

"No, I'm not because there's nothing here requiring justification!" We stare at each other for several long seconds. I decide to break the silence by telling her how I really feel about last night. "Jane, I was only hurt last night when I realized how badly you were hurting. Then you ran away from me. My arm, these bruises, I don't even feel them, but me not being able to help you, and you leaving me…those are the things capable of wounding me." I guess I started crying sometime during my explanation because Jane lifts her hands to wipe tears off of my face. I lean into her touch and close my eyes. She wraps her arms around me and I melt into her embrace. I bury my face at the juncture of her shoulder and neck, and put my hands around her back to pull her in to me. She rubs my back soothingly with one hand and runs her other hand through my hair.

"I'm so sorry Maura. I'm so so sorry for how I treated you. I just thought…I just…when I saw those bruises. I hated myself, and I didn't see how you could possibly forgive me."

I place a kiss on her neck where my lips were already resting.

"I love you Maura, and if you can look past how completely insane I…"

"You're not insane sweetie. I love you too and I just want us to move past this and spend the rest of our weekend together. We can talk about your mother, or we can not talk about your mother, but I don't want to hear any more 'I'm sorrys' out of you for the rest of the weekend. How's that sound?"

"That sounds perfect...but I can't say 'I'm sorry' anymore?"

"Nope."

"Not even if I get crumbs on your couch?" I know it's not possible, but I feel like I can hear her smirking.

I know she can feel me smile into her skin. "Nope, not allowed." I press a kiss to her neck again.

"What forget to set my beer down on a coaster and I leave a ring on your table?"

I giggle. "Still not allowed." I move my lips up to her lips this time for a short sweet kiss.

"What if I…" I cut her off with a much more intense kiss and she responds with matching enthusiasm. We spend the next several minutes just enjoying each other. We speed up and slow down, and when we finally pull away from each other we're both short of breath.

"I don't know about you, but I feel like we deserve a whole day of nothing but cuddles on the couch, and movies complete with make out breaks and naps and ordering take out…and then more make out breaks."

I throw my head back and laugh. "Ok, as long as we spend tomorrow packing up some of your stuff at your apartment. I want you here permanently as soon as possible." I punctuate my condition with a kiss on the cheek before taking her hand and walking us towards the couch.

"There's no place else I'd rather be."


	12. Chapter 12

**In celebration of finishing my last final yesterday, here is a new chapter. I'd like to point out the rating change as this chapter has some M material. I said I'd never write M just because I didn't think I could. Anyway, writing this chapter made me nervous so please be kind in your reviews. Thank you to all my followers and reviewers y'all are awesome!**

We have our perfect cuddle day complete with movies, take out, and many, many make out breaks. I don't bring up my mother, or my total break with sanity, and Maura kindly leaves those topics alone as well. I know she wants to talk about my mother, and we need to. I still have to figure out where she's gonna go, because despite her behavior, she's still my mother. Frankie needs to know too. Ma's still on speaking terms with him, so maybe he knows what she wants to do. I decide to give him a call and have him meet up with us at my apartment to talk. Well, to talk, and help me and Maura pack up my stuff and carry some boxes. I just won't tell him that he's helping move stuff. I laugh to my self at this thought.

"What's so funny?" Maura says as she steps around me to fix her coffee. I didn't hear her sneak in the kitchen. I wanted to do something nice for her so I got up early and went to the market. I had planned on serving her breakfast in bed, but I guess that's out of the question now.

"Me, I'm hilarious."

"Is that so?" She walks over to where I am cutting up some fresh fruit. "What's all this?"

"Breakfast."

"You don't eat fruit for breakfast…is that for me?"

"Uh, yeah."

She looks over where I have a single flower in a vase on the serving tray next to her granola, yogurt, and juice. She smiles and leans in to plant a kiss on my cheek.

"Where did all of this come from? I was going to go by the store later today and pick some things up. My food disappears a lot more quickly with you here all the time."

"Maybe your pasta and beer, but the yogurt and granola, that's all you. Just admit it Maur, you've been to distracted by my awesomeness to keep a check on your kitchen inventory."

"Well you are very distracting to me sometimes." She looks at me like a predator stalking its prey. I quickly look back at the fruit I'm working on. She is sinfully sexy right now with her little nightie and bed tousled hair. I feel her press into my right side and slide her left hand into the back pocket of my jeans. She uses the fingertips of her right hand to graze my right arm with a barely there touch. I still have the knife I was cutting the fruit with in my hand but I haven't moved since I felt her touch. We, well I, have gotten much more comfortable with our physical relationship recently. Maura is more than ready to go, but I find myself still holding back. I think it's probably a combination of things. I know part of it is nervousness. The only experience I have with being intimate with a woman is what I do by myself when men are scarce. I can handle myself ok, but I sometimes get the feeling that Maura has more experience than I do in the lady loving department. My other problem is, I guess, that I've fought against the whole "dyke cop" thing my entire career. I feel like if I take that next step it makes it, I don't know, like it for me. Like hi, I'm Jane Rizzoli, official lesbian. I really, really love Maura, but I also really, really don't want to prove those guys that have picked on me since we were in the academy together right. I know I shouldn't care about labels, but I guess it's just ingrained in me. I know I'm not ready right now so I play the only card I've got. Deflection.

"Well, I have prepared the most important meal of the day for you" I say as I slip out of her arms and walk over to the tray of food. I add the bowl of fruit to the tray and pick it up and walk it over to the bar. She quickly changes her look from the pout she got when I moved away to an affectionate smile

"This is very sweet of you." She walks over and kisses me briefly on the lips. "Thank you for taking care of me Jane."

"Well I kinda like you a little. I gotta do something to keep you around."

"Sweetie, I'm not going anywhere." She gives me one last quick peck on the cheek before she starts on her breakfast.

* * *

We each take our own cars to my apartment in the hope that we can get most of my stuff out today. We start in the living room. We've got all my books and DVDs packed when there's a knock on the door. I walk over and open the door, it's Frankie.

"Hey Janie" he says as he gives me a one armed hug. "Hey doc, how are you ladies doing this morning?"

"We're good" I answer.

He looks around and sees the boxes we've been packing. He leans in to where only I can hear him. "I take it she forgave you since it looks like you're still planning to move." I just give him a smirk and a wink. "Well do you need some help?"

"That'd be great little brother, thanks." We work for another couple of hours and we get almost all of my living room stuff packed and in my sedan. "Let's go get some lunch."

"Sounds good. Where do you want to go?" Frankie asks.

"I don't really care, any suggestions Maur?"

"Dirty Robber?"

"Yeah, that works. You wanna ride with us Frankie, or meet us there?"

"I'll just meet you two there. I gotta head over to Ma's after lunch."

"Oh, ok, we'll see you there then I guess." He nods and heads out the door. I turn around and face Maura. "You ready to go babe?" She smiles in response, and then walks over and kisses me sweetly, but firmly. "What was that for?" I ask.

"I've never been anybody's 'babe' before, I like it."

"Mmm well I'm glad. I like it too, babe." I pull her in for another kiss. She slides her hands under my shirt and grazes my abs with her fingertips. As much as I regret what I'm about to say, I know it has to be done. "Maura" instead of stopping she wraps her hands around to my back and pulls me in closer. I kiss her one more time before putting my hands on her cheeks and gently pulling our faces apart. "I promise we can pick this right back up where we leave off, but we've got to go meet Frankie right now."

"I know, I know. Do you want me to stay here so you and Frankie can talk in private?"

I'm a little thrown off by her question. "Of course not. Why wouldn't I want you there?"

"Well I just know that you will be discussing Angela and her living arrangements, and it isn't really my business. I know she was upset with you for involving me last time. I didn't want to be in the way."

I can't help but kiss her again. "You are never in the way. You are thoughtful and kind, and my mother's reaction the other night was ridiculous. Besides, we need to go ahead and eat our lunch and recharge if we're gonna get all my clothes packed up and unload all this stuff at home later."

"Home" she smiles and kisses me one last time before pulling my by the hand towards the door.

* * *

Maura drives us over to the Dirty Robber since my car is full of boxes. We park across the street from the entrance and when Maura walks around the front of the car, I take her hand as we cross the street.

"Jane" I look over at her and see her looking down at our hands.

"Oh, sorry Maur, I guess we never talked about PDA." I make a move to pull my hand away, but she just squeezes it tighter.

"Are you sure about this. We're at the Robber. There's usually at least a dozen people from the station here at any given time."

"I told you Maur, I'm not ashamed of you. We told my Ma and Frankie so as far as I'm concerned the secret's out."

"Well in that case…" She pulls me closer and kisses me passionately. Her hands are sliding up and down my back and I'm cradling her face in my hands. I feel her hands on the top of my ass and I release a moan.

"Oh gross! Get a room, geez!" Frankie walks in front of us and opens the door to the bar.

"I definitely plan to later" I whisper in her ear. She giggles and gives my ass a brief squeeze, then takes my hand as we enter the bar. She lifts our intertwined hands to her lips and kisses my hand before letting go in order to walk ahead of me over to our table. Sure enough there are about 10 uniformed officers eating lunch and a couple of off duty cops here too. A few of them are already looking over at us and start elbowing the people closest to them prompting them to look up. I just smile and give them a nod before placing my hand on Maura's back and following her to our booth. Normally I'd be annoyed to have people watching me, but I feel an overwhelming sense of pride as I realize that what we've just done was a declaration of sorts. Maura and I had essentially made the statement "she's mine, and I'm hers" in front of our colleagues and it felt amazing. We slide into the same side of the booth and Frankie sits down across from us. We place our orders and then I decide to bring up Ma's living situation to Frankie.

"So has Ma talked to you about the house?"

"Yeah, she called me yesterday asking me if I wanted to look at an apartment with her."

"She doesn't make enough money for her own apartment. Did you go with her?"

"I did and when we got there she told the landlord that we were interested in the 2 bedroom on the 2nd floor. We looked around and she looked at me and said 'Oh Frankie, this is perfect for us. I wish the master had its own bathroom, but I guess we'll be ok sharing.' Janie she thinks I want to live with her." I can't help the laughter that comes barreling out of my mouth. "Janie this is serious! I cannot live with Ma! Stop laughing at me!" Maura is laughing now too and Frankie cracks a smile.

"Sorry, I'm sorry. You're right, it's not funny. I can't believe she really thought you'd move in with her."

"What are we gonna do?"

"Well Jane and I proposed a very logical solution to your mother Friday night, but her reaction to our other news may deter her from pursuing it." We lay out our plan for Ma to take my apartment and Frankie agrees that is probably our best option. He tells us that he'll make sure Ma knows that our offer still stands regardless of how she feels about Maura and I at the moment. He also says he's gonna tell her that he knows about us and that he approves. I'm not usually openly affectionate but when we get up to leave I give my little brother a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Maura does too and my heart melts a little. I love seeing my two favorite people getting along so well. I also love the idea of my brother being her brother too. I know she was lonely growing up, but she never has to be again. We head back to my apartment with the intention of packing up my clothes, but we make it as far as closing the door to the apartment when Maura practically jumps on me.

"You said we could pick up,where we left off." she says as she starts trailing kisses down my neck. I move my hands from her hips around to the back of her thighs and I lift her up, turn us around and press her up against the door. I know this morning I wasn't ready for us to take this step in our relationship, but I think our outing to the Robber earlier was kinda like officially coming out for me. I didn't feel embarrassed or ashamed. I felt proud. I still don't know what the hell I'm doing, but I trust Maura to be patient with me and tell me what she wants from me.

"Maura" I moan as she bites down on my neck. She starts moving her hips, pressing herself into me.

"Jane, if you try to tell me we have to stop I may rescind my offer for you to move in with me." She then attacks my lips with hers.

I laugh. "No baby, it's not that. I-I want to move this to the bedroom." She pulls back and looks me in the eyes. "I want to do this right. Take my time. I don't just want to take you against the door. I want to love you, ok?" Her smile is so brilliant I think I may go blind. She moves her hands from the back of my head to my face and kisses me again. Slowly and deeply. Her legs still wrapped around my waist, I move us away from the door and down the hall to my bedroom. When we get there she removes her legs from my waist, but her lips are still on mine. We explore each other's mouths with our tongues while our hands roam over each other's bodies. We both kick our shoes off. She reaches for the hem of my shirt and our lips separate long enough for her to remove it. I do the same with hers, before resuming our kiss. She presses her body into mine again and I feel like I'm on fire where our bare skin is touching. She moves to unbutton my jeans at the same time as I start easing her yoga pants down. I manage to get both her pants and panties off and she's got my jeans halfway down my thighs. Instead of helping her with my pants, I move up to her bra and I manage to get it off without fumbling around. She abandons my jeans and more or less rips my sports bra off. I back us up until the back of her knees hit the mattress. I lay her down and I'm about to lower my self on top of her when she sits up and puts her hands on my stomach and keeps me standing long enough for her to get my jeans the rest of the way down. She reaches for my boy shorts but I move on top of her, forcing her down into the mattress. I capture her lips again. Having our bodies pressed together like this is the most arousing thing that I've ever felt. She opens her legs wide enough for me to fit between them and I can feel how wet she is through my shorts. Propping myself up on one elbow, I use my other hand to begin massaging her breast. I move my lips down her neck, over her collarbone before reaching her other breast. I place several soft kisses on it, before taking her nipple into my mouth. She moans and it is like music to my ears. I feel her fingers weaving into my hair, holding me against her. I gently suck and nip at her breast before moving to the other one and doing the same thing. Both of us are panting. She starts pressing her center up into me, and I can feel the moisture she's leaving on my abs.

"Jane, please, please touch me." She's practically begging me. This is the part I am nervous about. I want to make her feel good more than I've ever wanted anything. I move back up her body and press my lips into hers again. I pull back and look into her eyes at the same time that I move my left hand down to her center. I run my index finger through her wetness and she closes her eyes and gasps. I run my fingers up and down her length a couple of times. I then barely press my index and middle finger into her before taking some of her wetness up to her clit. I start making soft, slow circles. After a minute I increase my speed and pressure. I move my fingers back down to her entrance to gather some more wetness. I press my index finger all the way in and Maura moans my name. I want to hear that again. I pull it out and add my middle finger before going back in and I'm rewarded with another moan. She sets the tempo with her hips and I do my best to match it as I continue to thrust into her. I can't quite match her rhythm initially. I feel her hands on my ass, sliding under the elastic of my shorts guiding me and we fall in sync. I lean my head down next to her ear.

"I love you Maur." I whisper as I brush my thumb over her clit.

"Oh, oh Jane I-I…" She doesn't get the rest of her sentence out before her orgasm takes control of her body. She arches up off the bed and her mouth opens, but no sound comes out. I slow my thrusts down but don't stop until I feel her relax again. I make a move to pull out of her, but she grabs my hand.

"Wait just a minute." She looks into my eyes as she slowly grinds into my hand a couple more times before sliding all the way off. She pulls me down until I'm laying with all of my weight on her, my head right over her heart. Her breathing slowly returns to normal.

"I love you too Jane."


	13. Chapter 13

**I'm all alone house sitting this weekend with plenty of time to write, so y'all get another update. We're getting close to 200 followers and I'm absolutely blown away! Thank you guys for reading! Reviews are appreciated!**

After I finally catch my breath, I realize how desperately I had needed that. Yes, I had been eager to finally consummate my relationship with Jane, but there was more to it than that. Other lovers had satisfied me physically, but this was different. I have always heard people say there was a difference between having sex and making love, but I thought they were trying to romanticize their physical release. I now understand what they meant. I have never felt so satisfied in my whole life! It's like we not only had sexual intercourse, but I feel permanently linked to her now in an emotional sense as well. No other event in my entire life has ever made me feel whole. I've never had anybody understand me like Jane does. I wonder if Jane feels it too. She's still laying on top of me, my hands holding her to my body, but I want her even closer. I want to tell her how much this moment means to me, but even with my extensive vocabulary, I'm finding it difficult. I use one hand to hold her head against my chest while I let the other trace the strong muscles of her back. My lips are pressed into her hair. Her hand on my hip is tracing gentle, soothing circles. She lifts her head and looks into my eyes. I see tears in her eyes, but she's managing to hold them in.

"Maura, I love you so much." She leans down and presses a kiss to my lips. "So much." She pulls away and looks at me again. I continue rubbing my hands up and down her back.

"I love you too." I move one of my hands in between us and trace a path down her abs towards her center. She shivers, but she stops my hand.

"I'm not saying no, just let me hold you for a little while. I-I never thought we'd be here like this an-and I just want to hold you, ok?"

"But I want to…"

"I want you to too, but in a minute. My last promise to pick up where we left off turned out ok, right?" she says with a small smirk.

I smile at her and nod before she rolls us onto our sides. I place a gentle kiss on her neck and snuggle into her as close as is possible. She wraps me up in her arms and we intertwine our legs. I'm a little confused by her actions. I know she was just as aroused as I was, so she must be desperate for release. I've got a hand over her heart and my face is buried in her neck. She's gently rubbing my back and while I can't recall a time I ever felt better, I can't help but wonder what Jane is thinking. I want to ask her, but I don't want to break our moment either. She doesn't regret what we've done does she? Did I make her move too quickly in our physical relationship?

"Whatever you're thinking in that big ole brain of yours, you can stop right now."

"Actually the average brain size of an adult female is 1300 grams whereas an adult male brain weighs approximately 100 grams more."

"Thank you Doctor." She presses a kiss to my forehead. We both chuckle.

"Have you ever been with another woman before…like this?"she whispers.

Oh, so that's what she's thinking about. She knows I can't lie, not that I would, but we've never talked about this before. I never brought it up when we were just friends because I thought it would make her uncomfortable. Is she uncomfortable with this? "Yes and no?" I slide up a little so that we're eye to eye. She gives me a confused look.

"Umm Maur, yes and no mean two very different things."

I take a deep breath. "Yes, I've been with another woman intimately, but no, not like this." She still looks confused. "I've had sex with another woman before, but Jane I've never been with anybody like this. What we just did was a first for me." She looks at me quizzically. I bring my hand up to her face and hold it against her cheek. "Sex has always been about one thing for me, physical release. It just, it just feels different this time. I can't really explain it. It made me realize that everything I thought I knew about love was inaccurate. I've never felt more loved and whole than I do right now…does any of this makes sense to you?"

She smiles tentatively "I think understand" she pulls my hand to her lips and kisses my palm. "Was this really different for you?" I simply nod my head. "It was different for me too."

"In what way?"

"Well like you said, it made me question what I knew about love, but it also…"

"It what Jane?"

"It-that was-I knew I loved you, but I never…" I can sense that she's trying to say something monumental. "Maura, I'm gay." I almost laugh at her, but stop myself as I remember how she was struggling just a moment ago. She looks into my eyes, and now it's my turn to be confused.

"Jane?"

"Right, I know that's a weird thing for a woman to say to her girlfriend, but Maura I never realized…I've never particularly enjoyed sex, but I've only ever slept with men. But that with you just now…you didn't even touch me, I didn't even come, and that's still the best sexual experience I've ever had. How did I go through 34 years of living and not realize I was gay?"

"Did you ever enjoy sex with men?"

"No! It was over too fast and all they ever focused on was getting inside me and I…" I can tell that she's getting embarrassed by all this sex talk. I give her a minute to collect her thoughts before encouraging her to continue. "Ican'tgetofflikethat." she mumbles.

"Like what-oh! You mean with vaginal penetration?"

"Eww, did you have to,word it like that? Can we talk about something else, or just go to sleep?"

"If that's what you really want to do, but Jane can I ask you one more question and then I'll stop? I promise."

"I guess so" she says hesitantly.

"Did you ever" I try to think of a non-clinical way to word this "finish with any of those men?"

"Only a couple of times, I'd usually end up excusing myself to the bathroom and take care of myself before going back to bed…is something wrong with me?"she's speaking so quietly I can barely hear her. She's not looking at me anymore.

"Jane…Jane" she looks back up at me. "There's nothing wrong you. Good sexual relationships are about being able to read what your partner wants. Like earlier, you figured out what I needed even though you just admitted it's not something that works for you." I give her a gentle kiss then pull back to look into her eyes. "I'm good at figuring things out Jane."

I roll us over so that I'm now on top of her, straddling her hips. I'm looking straight into her eyes, and it's almost like she's pleading with me to prove that I understand her, that she's not damaged. I lean down and press my lips to hers. I run my tongue a long her bottom lip and she opens her mouth and let's me in. She allows me to massage her tongue with my own. I move one hand down and begin massaging her breast. This lasts for a minute or so and then I pull away and shift down to kiss her neck. I latch on to her pulse point there and gently suck, not worrying about any marks I may leave. My focus is on her pleasure and if her moans are any indication she's really loving this. I give a little bite that I soothe with my tongue before moving further down her body. I spend a few moments lavishing each of her breasts with attention. As I move even lower I can feel Jane squirming underneath me. I almost forgot that she hasn't had an orgasm yet and she's probably getting close quickly. I know where my goal is, but I can't stop from making a quick detour and kissing all over those abs that I've been dreaming about. Her hips are moving, seeking me out. I slide down until I'm right where I want to be. I wrap my arms under her thighs to open her legs, and hold onto her hips with my hands. I kiss the inside of one thigh, then I move to the other one.

"Maura?" I look up to her face."No one's ever…"

"Don't worry, I've got you." And with that I use my tongue to spread her folds. Her back arches and I hold on to her hips a little more tightly. I lick up her entire length a few times, and I can hear her breathing quickening. I suck on her inner lips and then kiss them. After a few well placed kisses I switch back to licking. She's shifting to press her hips into my face so I decide to give her what she needs. I flick my tongue against her clit.

"Fuck, Maura" she moans.

I feel one of her hands on the back of my head holding me where she wants me. I flick my tongue against it again and I can feel her pulling on my hair. I take the nub into my mouth and gently suck.

"Oh my God, baby that's sooo good." She can barely get the words out between pants. She's got her eyes closed now. I suck harder and I can feel her begin to shake. I quickly release her clit and move back up her body. I press my lips to hers as I move my hand down to her clit. The second I make contact she screams out my name. I keep going until I'm sure I've drawn out every ounce of pleasure from her body. I press my lips into her neck and move slightly off her body so that I'm only halfway on top of her.

"Maura?" She's still panting, and her eyes are still closed.

"Yeah?"

"I'm gay."I laugh and she opens her eyes."Thank you for figuring me out." I smile up at her, and she leans down and kisses me firmly on the lips before leaning back on the pillows and closing her eyes. I snuggle into her side.

"Jane?"

"What babe?"

"It's only 3:00 in the afternoon. I don't think we can justify going to sleep right now."

"Of course we can. Just a quick nap then we finish packing so we can go home. I want to do this again before the day's over and your bed is 100 times better than mine."

I laugh again and move to be as close to my beautiful girlfriend as possible before we both drift off into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

We wake up after napping a little longer than we had planned, and get back to work packing Jane's clothes, but we stop for so many kisses that I know there's no way we're going to finish this today.

"Let's call it a day Sweetie. We're going to have to come back anyway and we've already packed all of your essentials lets just go home. It's getting close to dinner time, and we have work tomorrow."

"Ok, but we're picking food up on the way home, because we don't have time to cook. We've got to unload this stuff and then I'm going to give you a massage for helping me with moving all my stuff." She winks at me.

"I don't know, Detective, it kind of sounds like you have some sort or ulterior motive."

"Oh I definitely do, Doctor." She pulls me into her body, her hands groping my backside, and kisses me.

"Let's go home, Jane."

**I've had some questions about their sexuality so I hope this chapter answers those questions. Also Jane's whole "I'm gay" moment in this chapter, I definitely drew from personal experiences there. I'm still friends with my first girlfriend and she said that's one of the funniest post-sex conversations she's ever had :)**


	14. Chapter 14

**Took a little break from writing while I enjoyed my beach vacation, but I'm home now and I've finished this chapter and half of the next one. As always thanks for reading, and reviews are appreciated!**

My life is pretty damn perfect. I have been officially moved in with Maura for two weeks, said two weeks have been full of more sex than I've ever had in my life combined with domestic bliss. My team just solved a really stressful, high profile case involving a Senator's brother, and I finally feel like I'm living the life I'm supposed to be living. I had been kinda nervous about going back into work after the craziest weekend of my life, but it was all for nothing. Nobody said anything about it except for Frost. I walked into the bullpen and he ran up to me and asked me how my weekend was. I shrugged my shoulders and sat down at my desk. He followed me and pointedly asked me if I did anything interesting for lunch yesterday. Then he handed me his phone. Apparently somebody saw our little kissing session outside The Dirty Robber and had snapped a picture of it, and sent it to Frost. I looked at the picture and I wanted to be mad, I really did. I hate having my privacy intruded upon, but seeing how happy Maura and I looked in the picture made me feel overwhelmingly content. I called him a perv and he just laughed at me then promised to delete the picture. I asked him if other people knew about it. He said that everybody already thought Maura and I were together anyway, so really that kiss outside The Robber was really just a confirmation of sorts. Nothing had changed at work. Maura has been on me about us going to HR and informing them of our relationship and me filling out a change of address form, but the case we caught last week was a tough one. Maybe we'll get that stuff out of the way this week.

The only thing in my life that was bumming me out was Ma. She hasn't talked to me since the night I told her about Maura and me. Frankie had convinced her to move into my apartment, which she did reluctantly. He and some of his officer buddies helped her clean out the house and make the move. He had brought me a couple of boxes of stuff he knew I'd want from the old house. I was kinda sad I didn't get to say goodbye to the house I grew up in though. I've just focused all my energy on work and building a new life with Maura.

We've got my stuff more or less settled in our home. I love calling it that, our home. I didn't know how we were gonna blend all Maura's fancy artsy fartsy stuff with all my sports stuff, but we made a compromise. I picked a few of my favorite things and put them up downstairs and Maura moved a some of her things to her office to make room for me. I had been a little sad that the rest of my stuff had been doomed to a lifetime in storage, but my amazing girlfriend surprised me by setting up the small guest room next to her office as my own personal sports memorabilia room. She had even added to my collection in order to "balance the room." Maura had insisted on us putting up pictures all over the house too. I guess I had never noticed her lack of family pictures before but once we started unpacking some of my boxes she wanted to put up every single one of my pictures. I agreed as long as we put up some of her family too. She and I went through her photo albums and framed some of our favorites. She also managed to clear out enough room in her closet for my clothes. I only take up about 1/10 of the space she does, and my cheap suits look funny next to her designers clothes. The house looked more like a home now that it ever had. Oh, and my Nana's cookie jar looked just fine in our kitchen.

Today is probably the first morning since I moved in that I have woken up before Maura. She had gotten called to another detective's case late last night. I vaguely recall hearing her come in during the wee hours of the morning. Apparently pajamas were too much effort because she was laying half on top of me with nothing on. Unable to think of anything but naked Maura I used one hand to caress her hip while the other one turned her head towards mine and I leaned in for a good morning kiss.

"Don't start anything you don't have time to finish detective" she says as she kisses me back. Even after what she just said she proceeds to deepen the kiss and she moans into my mouth.

"Come on beautiful, we have time for a quick shower and then I'll make you some breakfast while you get ready. Sound good?"

"Our showers are only quick when taken separately Jane."

"Well I guess it's lucky for us that we woke up 20 minutes early today huh?"

"Only 20 minutes?"she says with a raised eyebrow. We both jump off the bed and practically run to the en suite.

* * *

We pull up to the station at 9:08am. As Maura had predicted, our shower had not been "quick."

"What time do you start the autopsy on Crowe's case?"

"9:30, I can't believe you made us late."

I scoff, "Excuse me?!" I know she's not serious because she's barely hiding her smile. "I blame you. If you hadn't been so utterly amazing, I never would have felt obliged to return the favor." I lean over the console to give her one last kiss before we get out of the car. I meant to keep it short and sweet, but Maura changed that by running her tongue over my bottom lip and slipping her hand behind my neck. We pull away from each other with smiles on our faces. "I'll come down and get you for lunch. Will you be ready at 12:30?"

"I should be."

We climb out of my sedan and as we turn towards the building, we run straight into my mother. She throws a stack of envelopes at me. "You're late. Here's your mail. Please notify them of your address change." She turns and storms away before I can say anything to her.

I'm standing there with my jaw dropped and a handful of mail. "Damn it! I thought Frankie was gonna keep a check on my mail so this wouldn't happen!"

Maura takes my free hand in hers "Don't blame Frankie. You need to go fill out a change of address form, and we really need to get all our professional and personal papers in order."

"I know, but blaming Frankie is easier."

"Jane" Maura laughs. "Let's go to work. If you want to take me to lunch later, I really need to get started on that autopsy."

"Yeah, yeah and I still have a shit ton of paper work from the case we just closed."

"What exactly is a 'shit ton'? I'm not familiar with that measurement."

"It's umm…oh you know what I mean. See you at 12:30?" She gives me a nod and we step into our respective elevators.

Around 11:30 Frost gets the last batch of phone records from our case last week. Our victim had been a journalist who had been pressing a Senator for an interview. That's why we had initially looked at the Senator and his close friends and family. His brother was looking good for it, but we got a full confession out of another guy and we had excluded the Senator's brother as a suspect. We found 3 witnesses who put him at the small town bar a few miles from his home.

"Uh Jane, you may want to see this."

"Why, what've you got?"

"These are the brother's cell records. On the date and time of the murder his phone is pinging off a tower here in Boston, not in Western Massachusetts at his cabin."

"So how do we have witnesses putting him there when he was here?"

"I looked into that too. I ran the three names the local PD had given us, and they're all locals from here in Boston."

"See what you can find on them. Jobs, spouses, financials. I'll fill Korsak in and see what he thinks."

Korsak walks up as soon as Frost heads back to get started on his search. I fill him in on Frost's findings.

"Well I just got more news. Our suspect recanted his confession and his lawyer managed to convince a Judge to grant bail since the confession was all we had."

"Shit!" I look over at the clock and I realize I'm gonna have to cancel lunch with Maura. "I'm gonna go down to Maura's office and make us some coffee. Hers is way better than ours."

" You still avoiding the café?"

"Korsak, don't start."

"I'm not, I just…I know how much your mother means to you. She still hasn't come around?"

"No."

"I'm sorry Jane."

"Yeah, me too." I turn towards the elevator and make my way down to Maura's office. She's at her desk still in her scrubs. She notices me and gives me a smile.

"Hey you! You're early. I just finished the autopsy. Let me change and then we can go."

"Actually…" I see her expression fall and I hate it. I fill her in on the case while I walk over to her coffee maker and make a pot of hazelnut, it's Frost's favorite.

"So what now?"

"Well, I want to head out to Western Mass and question the brother, but Korsak thinks Cavanaugh will want us to wait until Frost gets done researching the 'witnesses.' I hate playing politics! If this was anybody else I'd already have him in an interrogation room."

"It is frustrating. Well, you may not be able to leave for lunch, but I can. I'll go pick some up for all of us and eat upstairs with you. Burgers from the Robber?"

I balance the three coffees in my hand and walk over to where Maura is standing. I lean over and kiss her quickly on the lips. "That sounds great. Remind me again what I did to deserve you?"

She just smiles and gives me another quick kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too. Thanks for letting us steal your coffee."

"Anytime. I'm going to change and go get our lunch. I'll be up in a little while."

"Sounds good." I make my way back upstairs and hand out our coffees. Then I sit down and help Frost run some background checks while Korsak and Cavanaugh try to sort out the politics at play. True to her word Maura shows up about half an hour later and passes out lunch. She changed all of our sides from fries to salads. The guys go along with it but I promise to make her pay for that later. After lunch she heads back downstairs.

We manage to figure out that two of our "witnesses" have juvenile criminal records, but nothing as adults and the third is employed as a clerk in the very law firm where the Senator had been a partner before he was elected. Korsak and Cavanaugh agree that if we try to bring them in first that the Senator's brother will likely get spooked and make a run for it. We decide to head to Western Mass and interview the brother. We also decide not to inform local law enforcement since they've proven that they can't be trusted, but we put the next closest city's department on standby in case we need them. I run downstairs and give Maura my keys and tell her Frost will bring me home later. I don't want her to have to take a cab home. I give her a peck on the cheek before heading outside to hop in Frost's car.

When we make it to the suspect's cabin we park on the road instead of pulling up in his driveway where we see his truck parked. The sun has started to set, but there are no lights on in the cabin. We split up and each approach the cabin from a different angle. I can sense something is off here. All of the sudden I feel a sharp pain in the back of my head and I realize I've been hit with something. I shout out in pain and fall face down onto the ground but roll over onto my back. The suspect is standing over me with small handgun pointed right at me. I can hear Frost and Korsak screaming my name. I hear several shots go off in rapid succession at the same time that I feel a searing pain in my abdomen. I feel the suspect land on the ground right next to me. The last thing I see is Korsak leaving over me while Frost whips out his phone to call for help.

**Please don't hate me, I'll have the next chapter up by the end of the week.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Sorry, I meant for this to be up last night, but my internet was down. As always, thanks for reading &amp; reviews are appreciated!**

As I finish up my written report for Detective Crowe's case, my mind begins to wander. Seeing Angela this morning, and seeing the look on Jane's face at her mother's cold and abrupt behavior has been bothering me all day. Jane would never admit it, but I think she misses her. She used to see her mother every day. Sometimes multiple times every day. I know she admires her mother too, so do I. After Jane's father left, her mother dove right into finding work and trying to support herself. She had no training or any employable skills and yet she secured a job where she has proven to be indispensable. The food and service at the café have improved drastically in such a short time. I've been avoiding the café lately, but I look for Angela when I walk by. She has always appeared so cheerful in the past, but since she ran out the restaurant screaming at Jane and I, it's like she is a different person. I don't think I've seen her smile in two weeks. I'm sure she misses Jane. She's a lot to miss. I miss her as soon as she leaves the room.

Well, I suppose it's time to call it a day. I call a tech in to ask them to take my written report to Detective Crowe. I only hand deliver reports to _my_ detective. I don't know what time I should expect Jane home, and I can't decide what to do for dinner. I think I'll just stop by and pick up our usual order at our favorite Greek place. Jane loves Spanakopita. I also need to stop by and pick up some more of Jo Friday's organic dog treats. As I head towards to specialty pet supply store I go ahead and call our order in so it'll be ready when I get there. I run in and get Jo's treats and when I get back into the car I hear my phone signaling that I have a voice mail. I press the button to play it and as soon as it begins I feel myself getting sick. It's Frost and he's extremely upset. He wants me to call him back immediately. I hesitate over the call back button. I want to know what's going on, but I'm also terrified. I've never heard Frost sound this way before. He was yelling in his message. I press the button.

"Dr. Isles! Have you been, has anyone, are you still at the station?"

"No, I just left. What is it?"

"H-how quick can you get to Mass Gen?"

I can't breathe. "Frost" I choke out "is it…" I can't say her name.

"The critical care ground crew just transferred care to the life saver helicopter team. She'll be there in 35 minutes."

"Frost" I try to say, but it comes out as a sob. "What…"my question is lost my throat. I can't get enough air.

"Where are you?...Dr. Isles, what can I do?"

"I don't-I can't-" I take a deep breath. "You'll meet me there?"

"Korsak and I are on our way now. We made sure they got Jane loaded up first."

"Has anyone told Frankie?"

"He's on shift doing a walking beat Cavanaugh is going to pick him up himself."

"What about Angela?"

"Dispatch was going to inform her and offer an escort."

"Frost is she…i-is s-she going to be ok? Pl-please just tell me, please."

"She's strong Doc..." he doesn't sound as confident as I wish he would. "Do you need a ride Dr. Isles? We can have an officer come get you."

"N-no I'm only about a mile away. I'll see you soon?"

"Yeah, I'll see you as soon as we can get there. Take care Doc."

I hear the line go dead, and I put my phone down. I throw the car into gear and pull out into traffic. 5 o'clock traffic. I know what I'm about to do is unethical, but for once I don't care. I turn on the lights and sirens of Jane's sedan. It only takes me a couple of minutes to make it to the trauma center of Mass Gen. I park in the first open spot I see, not caring what may happen to the car. I run in and ask the nurse in the triage area if they know when the helicopter will be here and if they have a report regarding Jane's status.

"Ma'am what is your name, and your relationship to the patient?"

"Maura Isles. I'm her girlfriend."

She flips the page on her clip board. "I'm sorry Ms. Isles, but you aren't on the paperwork BPD just faxed over."

"Not Miss, I'm Dr. Maura Isles, Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. Can you please just give me something?"

I can tell my title holds some weight with her, but she still doesn't want to risk the consequences for disclosing information to me. "Please?" I'm not above begging.

"Their ETA is 20 minutes. She'll be going straight to surgery as soon as they land."

"What happened. What are her injuries?"

"I'm sorry Doctor. I can't give you any more information. Do you know…" she flips another page on the clip board "an Angela or Francesco Rizzoli?"

"That's her family."

"As soon as they arrive I'll have someone come tell you guys everything, ok? That's the best I can do."

I nod and go sit in a chair in the waiting area. I think about calling Frost back. He could at least tell me what happened. I decide against it. He's driving and I don't want him anymore distracted than he already is. I try to think of any doctor I may know here that could get any information for me. I'm desperate to know what happened to the woman I love. I hear a commotion at the nurses station and I look up to see Angela waving her arms around and asking loudly about her daughter. I run up to the desk and as I approach the nurse says something I don't quite hear as she points in my direction. She glances back towards me and then turns back around to address the nurse.

"No, I don't want to wait on her!I want to go by myself to wherever it is that I need to wait for a report on my daughter!"

I stop moving towards the desk. "Angela" I cry. The nurse looks back and forth between the two of us before addressing Angela again.

"R-right…umm, did you want to wait for" she glances down at her paper work "Francesco to arrive?"

Angela looks momentarily confused "Senior or Junior? What's on your paper work?"

"It doesn't specify ma'am."

"No, you can just send up my son up when he gets here."

The nurse sends me a sympathetic look before having Angela escorted upstairs. I fall into the nearest chair and begin sobbing. I knew she disapproved of my relationship with Jane but this is just cruel! How can she shut me out? I lower my head into my hands and try to clear my mind. I need to figure out how to get to Jane. Moments later, Frankie and Cavanaugh come through the door and Frankie walks right up to me, picks me up out of the chair and pulls me into a bone crushing hug. Cavanaugh looks at me with a tight lipped smile and pats my shoulder.

"What's the word Maura? Last news Lieutenant and I got she was in the air, but should be here right about now."

"I-I don't know" I sob. "Th-they won't tell me anything. I'm not on her emergency contact list."

Frankie lets go of me enough to pull back and look in my eyes. "Well won't they tell Ma? She texted not 5 minutes ago saying she was here…where is she?"

"They took her up to the surgical waiting area, but she told them not to take me with her. Frankie…" I'm back in tears again.

"SHE DID WHAT?!" Frankie grabs my hand and pulls me up to the nurses station. "Im here about my sister, Jane Rizzoli. Can you tell me where I need to be?"

"Are you Francesco?"

"I am."

"Well…um officer, sir, um your mother said for you to be brought up when you arrived…alone."

"Absolutely not! This is my sister's partner and she's coming too!"

"Sir…"

"No, don't 'sir' me. She's coming!"

"Well your mother said…"

"I don't care! Who's name is listed as her emergency contact?!"

"Your mother's name, as well as yours."

"Alright then, she's with me. She is privy to any and all matters that I am concerning Jane, got it?!"

"Yes sir."

"And when Detectives Vince Korsak and Barry Frost get here, bring them up as well please."

Cavanaugh stays behind to set up an official line of communication between the hospital staff and BPD while another nurse walks us up to a semi-private waiting area in the surgical wing. I see Angela sitting with her back to us. Frankie is still holding my hand in his own. I stop him while we are still out of earshot of Angela. He looks at me and I stand up on my toes and kiss his cheek.

"Thank you Frankie."

"Eh don't mention it. I know Janie wants you here…probably even more than she wants me or Ma." He smirks.

"I can sit in the other section over here if it would be easier and you can just come update me when you and Angela get some news."

"No way, if anybody's leaving it won't be you. Just stay with me. If Ma can't control herself she can leave." He guides me over to a pair of chairs across from Angela. She notices us and looks straight into my eyes. I expected anger, but that's not what I see. I see fear, and I see confusion, but no anger. She's been crying too. I hadn't noticed if she had been crying when she came in. She looks away. Frankie must see her expression too. He lets go of my hand and walks over to his mother and leans down and kisses her cheek.

"We're all here for the same reason. We all love Janie, right Ma?"

"Right baby. We all…we all love Jane."she says as she looks into my eyes.

Frankie takes his mother's hand and motions me to come sit on his other side. I do and he reclaims my hand as well. He gives my hand a little squeeze. A woman wearing a scrub cap and trauma gown approaches us, and we stand. She looks familiar, but I can't place her.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Rodgers. I'm chief of trauma. I'll be the lead on Jane's case. I just got an update from the flight team. She briefly regained consciousness when she started receiving fluids, but has since lost consciousness again. They believe they have the bleeding slowed to a manageable level. I'll be working together with our chief of neurosurgery as well as one of our most accomplished general surgeons. She's in good hands. We expect her in less than 10 minutes. I'll be sending someone out to you all with regular updates. Do you have any questions?"

"GCS score?"I ask.

"8 was the report from the flight team, Dr. Isles. She was responding to pain only at the last assessment."

"How much blood has she lost?"

"The ground crew informed us that one of the detective's had done his best to maintain pressure in order to minimize bleeding, but we still think she's lost around a liter. Do you happen to know her blood type?It will help to have type specific blood ready for her in the OR."

Angela and Frankie look at each other and shake their heads. Angela starts to answer, "I uh, I'm not really sure…"

"It's A+." I answer. "Dr. Rodgers, what exactly are her injuries?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I was under the impression that you had already been informed." Frankie and Angela both give me looks indicating that they know already. "It appears that Jane has suffered a GSW to the abdomen as well as some blunt force trauma to the back of her head. I'm so sorry, but I promise you, we will use every available resource and skill we posses to provide Jane with optimal care."

I can hear Angela ask more questions but I couldn't for the life of me make out what she was saying. Shot? Blunt force trauma? My poor Jane. Frankie guides me back into my seat. I realize I was completely leaning into him with all my weight. He leans in towards me and wraps an arm over my shoulder.

"She's gonna make it Maura. She's the toughest person I know."

I turn my head and look into his eyes as I nod in affirmation. She has to make it, she just _has_ to. I hear a pager go off and Dr. Rodgers turns to address us all again.

"She's here. We already have the OR ready and we'll be taking her straight there. I promise to get you an update as soon as I can." I watch her walk away and for the first time in my life I offer up a prayer. I offer it to God, the universe, fate whatever other higher power there is out there. _Please, please let my Jane come back to me!_


	16. Chapter 16

**Ok so I've been alternating POV b/t Maura and Jane, but this chapter will be a little different since its Jane's turn and we still don't know her fate. Thanks to all y'all that have been reading this whole time. And to the new followers, welcome! As always, let me know what you think.**

I_ make my way into the office. I can't imagine why they need to talk to me, it's only the first day. I see her sitting there, refusing to look at me. I turn to address the man behind the desk._

_"I got a call from your secretary, you wanted to see me?" She turns her head and I can see her whole face now. I run up to her and drop to my knees. "Oh, baby, how did this happen?! Are you ok?!" I get a nod of the head, but no answer, of course. She's always been so private._

_I turn to the desk and demand of the man behind it, "WHAT HAPPENED?!" He hesitates for a moment before gesturing to the chair in front of his desk. I don't sit down, instead I lean over his desk and look him straight in the eyes._

"_Well, uh, Mrs. Rizzoli, um, it seems that your daughter got herself a black eye and a busted lip."_

_"Yes I can see that! I want to know how!"_

_"According to your daughter, she ran into a door. None of the teachers saw it happen so we didn't know right away. She's been checked out by the school nurse, but we thought you may want to take her home to rest."_

"_So you're telling me nobody saw my baby get hurt?! How long has she been like this?!"_

_"I'm sorry Mrs. Rizzoli. Her hair was in her face and we didn't see it until about 20 minutes ago, and she didn't tell anybody about it. We're not really sure when it happened."_

_"Incompetent teachers! My poor baby! You better be glad she's ok! I am not happy about this and it will be brought up at the next PTA meeting, you can be sure of that mister! Come on Janie, let's go let your father see what happened." I see her tense up when I suggest it, but I know she's more likely to tell him the story than me, and I need all the details to make an official complaint. We pull up to the small office of Rizzoli &amp; Sons Plumbing and slowly make out way into the building. "Frank, are you in the back?"_

_"Yeah, hun, come on back. What did Janie's school want?" He yells as we make our way to the back. I come in first and he smiles at me, but his smile drops when he sees our daughter._

_"Aw my sweet big girl, what happened?" He asks her as he pulls her in for a hug. She glances back over at me. I move out of the room, but I'm only out of sight. I can still hear her talking to Frank._

"_I, uh, I ran into a door." Her inflection almost makes it sound like a question._

_"Janie, is that really what happened?" He says gently._

_"No…I, uh, wait! You won't tell Ma, right?"_

_"It's just between you and me." Frank knows I'm still listening so he makes the promise._

_"It's just that, if I tell Ma, she'll make a big deal out of it and that'll just be embarrassing. She always freaks out and starts yelling at people, and I just don't want any of that." Now I really want to know what happened, and why does she think I'll make a "big deal" out of whatever it is. I can be calm. I can stay quiet_

"_Ok, well, I really did run into a door, but, uh, I kinda got in a fight too."_

_"A fight, huh? Who with?" I'm really having to focus on not storming back into the room. I need to know who and why so I can give that principal a piece of my mind. How could those teachers not know about fighting going on? Didn't they know how to keep an eye on those kids? And Frank, why is he acting like this is no big deal? Why isn't he as angry as I am._

"_Joey Grant."_

_"Who started it?"_

_"He did. We were having an arm wrestling contest to see who was gonna be team captains for football. I beat him fair and square, but he said it wasn't fair because he didn't know he was arm wrestling a boy or he woulda tried harder. I didn't get it right away, but then all the other guys started laughing. He called me a boy Pop. And then-and then he asked why did I have on a dress, didn't I know dresses were for girls. I hate it when Ma makes me wear these stupid dresses. He said girls don't play football, why didn't I go play hopscotch like girls were supposed to. Everybody was laughing at me so I sucker punched him in the gut. He jumped up and hit me a couple of times but it didn't do nothing to me. I wasn't even hurt so I just socked him in the nose and kicked him in the nuts."_

_"How did the teachers not know you two got into a fight? Didn't you both look beat up?"_

_"I didn't, cause he's a wimp and I didn't have a scratch on me. He had blood on his shirt and they took him to the office and called his Ma. He told them he got hurt playing football. I knew he wouldn't rat me out cause he wouldn't want everybody to know he got beat up by a girl. Then after lunch time his buddies followed me out of the cafeteria and shoved me into a door. I didn't want to let them know I was hurt so I just pulled my hair down in my face so that nobody could see."_

_"Are you ok sweet girl?"_

_"Yeah Pop, it barely even hurts."_

"_I don't mean your face. Did those boys hurt your feelings?" She doesn't answer him, she just starts crying. I march right out of the store and walk to two streets over to the Grant's house. I pound on the door. As soon as Joey's mother opens it I demand for her to bring that boy out so I can talk to him. He fesses up to everything, including telling his friends to get Jane back later. I ask him how it feels to know he made a little girl cry and he drops his head in defeat. His mother sends him to his room and promises me that her husband will deal with Joey later and I leave knowing that I took good care of my baby girl. I walk back into the plumbing office to see Jane in the kid sized coveralls I made her for Halloween last year when she wanted to be a plumber like her father. He's right next to her and they're working on some kind of pipe and a connector. She smiling and I want to be a part of it. I stroll up to her and tell her that I made sure Joey Grant would never bother her again, and that he feels bad for upsetting her, but instead of the smile and hug I was imagining, Jane threw down what they were working on and ran back to the bathroom and locked herself in. I make a move to follow her, but Frank stops me._

_"Dammit Angela!"_

_"What? What did I do?"_

_"Now it's gonna be 10 times worse for her at school!"_

_"What? No, Joey's getting punished and now he'll leave Jane alone! It's all fixed!" I'm so confused. Why would this be worse?_

_"Angela" Frank sighs, "she took up for herself just fine today. Joey is probably embarrassed a girl beat the crap out of him, but he also knows not to mess with her any more, physically I mean. But now you going over there…he knows the teasing will bother her, so that's what he's gonna do. Don't you get it?!"_

_"Oh, well maybe I can call the school and I can…"_

_"That'll just make it worse."_

_"Well maybe Jane shouldn't be playing football. Maybe the teachers should make the football game for boys only. Boys are too rough anyway. I bet I can get some other moms at the next PTA meeting to sign…"_

_"God woman, don't you realize you've done enough! Just leave it alone!"_

* * *

That was the first time Jane ever got mad at me, and boy can she hold a grudge. I tried to explain to her that I was only trying to help, but she didn't talk to me for almost a week. She spent all of elementary and middle school fighting with Joey Grant. He left her alone in high school, but that was when Jane lost her baby fat and turned into the most beautiful girl in school, even if she did still insist on wearing jeans and jerseys instead of dresses. The boys at school noticed her. Unfortunately the mean girls at school did too. She didn't talk about it much but I know how much it bothered her for people to just assume things about her. As I sit here waiting on news from her surgeon I can't seen to shake the memories I have of people making fun of her. I don't know why but I turn to speak to Maura. Frankie left to go get us some coffee and Jane's partners aren't here yet.

"Did you know Jane was teased in school?

She turns to look at me and I can tell she's uncertain of me. I get it, I've given her every reason to be. She looks around like she's making sure I'm talking to her.

"Y-Yes, I believe she told me she was called 'roly-poly Rizzoli'. Although I can't imagine Jane letting that bother her too much, or being over weight for that matter."

I'm a little shocked to hear that Jane told her about that. She never shares anything remotely embarrassing about herself, but that's not the teasing I was talking about. I wonder if she knows what Jane endured in high school. "Oh, yeah, well she wasn't really overweight. It was just a little baby fat. She was as tall and lanky as she is now as far back as the eight grade…has she ever talked about high school?"

"Only in passing. We compared her experiences in public school vs. my experiences at boarding school in Europe. She told me about volunteering in 'peer helpers' but getting kicked out for telling new students which teachers wouldn't notice if you cut class. She talked about playing softball and field hockey. Team sports always sounded like much more fun than fencing or ballet. I didn't really learn how to work as a team until I started at BPD. Jane taught me how to do that." I can see how she lights up when she talks about my daughter. I see the love there. I know deep down that she'd never hurt her on purpose. I know now that I over reacted. I just couldn't bear the thought that Jane would be wounded by a friend again.

"Jane had a best friend growing up, Emily. Has she ever mentioned her?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Yeah I didn't figure she would."

"Mrs. Riz..."

"Angela, call me Angela please?"

"Angela, it's not that I don't love hearing stories about Jane. I just don't really know what's going on here. I um, I don't really know why you're talking to me."

I sigh, "Just let me get this out and maybe it'll make sense in a minute." She nods and I continue. "Jane had this best friend. They'd known each other since they'd been in diapers. They walked to school together. We were all members of the same church. Every Friday night they had a sleepover at our house. They were the only two girls who could hold their own in little league baseball."

I pause and try to decide how mad Jane will be when she finds out I told Maura this story. "They were inseparable. Then, one day at the end of Jane's ninth grade year, I came home one evening to find Jane standing over a small fire in our backyard. She was just staring at it and I could tell there was something off about her. Normally I would have sent her father out to talk to her, but he and the boys had gone camping so it was just us. I walked up to her as quietly as I could. She was crying and throwing stuff in the fire a piece at a time. I got close enough to see what was in the fire and there were all her little league ribbons and what looked like a couple of pictures. I realized they were all of her and Emily."

I pause again here, trying not to get choked up when I remember how distraught Jane had been. "When I finally got her to talk to me she told me that Emily had gotten a new group of friends. That part didn't really surprise me. They didn't share any similar interests anymore. Jane had stayed a tomboy and Emily was wearing dresses and makeup. I tried to explain to her about how people grow apart and we make new friends, but she just said I wouldn't understand. I didn't ever get her to tell me what they fought about, but about a month later I ran into Emily's mother at the supermarket. I stopped to say hello because I didn't have a reason not to. She walked right past me. I finally asked Frankie what Jane and Emily had fought about and he told me that Emily and her new friends started a rumor that Jane was gay. I was furious! I talked to Frank about it and he told me to leave it alone, that if Jane wanted help or advice that she would ask for it. Of course she never did. So then I wondered if maybe it was true, the rumor. I asked Jane if she was, _you know_, and she told me no and then got so mad at me that she didn't talk to me all summer."

I can tell Maura is upset by the story, but she still looks confused. "I took up for Jane after all that, and so did Frankie. The gay rumors stopped and I made it my mission to get Jane set up with a nice boy. Then she started the academy and the gay rumors started again. It just made me so mad that people made assumptions about her. They couldn't just ask her and find out like I did, no, they had to talk about her behind her back and I had to watch her go through all that hurt again."

"So when Jane and I told you about our relationship, you felt like Jane had lied to you, and all that time you had spent defending her had been wasted, or maybe that she was simply conforming to preconceived notions others had made about her. She made you look like a liar."

I'm so relieved that she understands. "Yes, that is how it felt to me."

"She didn't lie to you Angela."

I scoff and roll my eyes.

"She didn't. _She_ didn't even realize she was gay. How was she supposed to 'come out' to you when she didn't even know who she was?"

I consider this for a moment and realize that she's right. I have never encouraged Jane to be herself. I've spent her whole life trying to set her up with boys, and put her in dresses, and suggest cheerleading instead of football. Work as something besides a cop. My eyes begin to water as I realize that by doing those things, I've been rejecting my daughter, not just these last couple of weeks, but for the last 30 years. I didn't realize I was crying until Maura pulls me in for a hug. The gesture, while comforting, is unexpected. I return the hug, then pull back to look Maura in the eyes.

"You really love her, right?" I ask " You won't hurt her? I can see how much she cares for you. I can't watch her hurt again."

"I really do, and I could never do anything that would hurt her." She means it, I can see it written all over her face.

"What's going on here?" Frankie says as he walks up with a tray of coffees. I realize Maura and I are still hugging.

"I think I may have finally found something I was wrong about." I try to laugh and I see Frankie smirk at me.

"I hate to be the one to tell you this Ma, but this isn't the only time you've been wrong." We all laugh.

"Oh really?" I challenge. "Like what?"

"That haircut you gave Jane in fourth grade, or those suspenders you made me wear on the first day of kindergarten. That time you made Pop take the kitchen sink apart because you were sure your wedding ring had fallen in there, but you had actually taken it to be cleaned and forgot."

We're all laughing hard now. "Ok, ok maybe I've been wrong a time or two before." The laughter does down and I turn to face Maura. "I'm gonna tell Janie as soon as she can hear me, but I'm gonna tell you now. I am so sorry Maura. I am so, so sorry, and will spend forever making this up to you and Janie."

"I can't speak for Jane, but as for me, consider it water under the bridge."

I lean in and hug her again. Frankie hands out the coffees he brought, and moments later Vince and Frost show up. Frost is still in his suit, which is looking a little worse for wear, but Vince is in sweats. I immediately know that Vince changed because he had my baby's blood on his clothes. We exchange hugs and start to settle in to the uncomfortable chairs. Before we can sit down a young man in scrubs walks up to us.

"Family of Jane Rizzoli?"

"That's us." Frankie answers.

"Dr. Rodgers asked that I move you all into the conference room. It's closer to the surgical area and the chairs are way more comfortable in there."

We get up and follow him in. We settle in and he asks if he can get us anything. We politely decline and he informs us that somebody will be in with an update in about five minutes. He leaves, and I turn to watch the clock on the wall. I feel Maura take my hand and notice that Vince is holding her other one. I reach over with my other hand and take Frankie's. I notice Frost still standing in the corner of the room. I let go of Maura's hand and she motions for him to come sit between us and we add him in our chain. We sit there like that staring at the door, just waiting...


	17. Chapter 17

**Thank you all for sticking with me. Y'all are awesome!**

"The bullet missed her liver by centimeters, and given the distance to the nearest trauma center, that would likely have been fatal. She was very lucky. Detective Korsak did an excellent job maintaining pressure on the wound. Her blood volume was actually much greater than I would have expected." Everyone in the room breathes a collective sigh of relief.

"So my baby is ok?" Angela asks.

"Well when I told you I had good news and bad news you said you wanted the good news first..." Angela is squeezing my hand so tightly that I am in fear of losing circulation in my fingers. Or I could possibly pass out from lack of oxygen since I can't breathe. I focus and draw in a deep breath.

"If it's not her GSW, does that mean her head injury is worse than we thought Dr. Rodgers?" I hear myself quietly ask. I start running through the list of possibilities in my head.

"Yes, I've closed on her abdomen already, but the neurosurgeon is working on what he believes is an…"

"Epidural hematoma, how did I not consider that?!" I curse myself for not thinking of it sooner. It explains her brief lucid interval during her transport, and what had to have been a poor pupillary response based on her GCS score. "What is her ICP? Is her pupil fixed on the side of her injury? What kind of neurological deficits is she at risk for? What…"

"Dr. Isles, I promise to answer any and all questions you may have, but would you mind if I fill everyone else in on what we're dealing with?" Dr. Rodgers gently asks. She using a soft voice and trying to keep everyone calm. Something I did well with myself when I was doing my residency. It's completely different being on this side of things. I nod and the doctor gives me a weak smile. "Dr. Isles was correct. It appears Jane suffered and epidural hematoma. The blow she received to her head cracked her temporal bone causing bleeding problems with some arteries within her skull. The neurosurgeon is currently trying to evacuate the hematoma. We caught it quickly, and we have hope that Detective Rizzoli will have few or possibly even no neurological deficits." Dr. Rodgers glances back over me when she says that. "Her Inter cranial pressure never had a chance to get high enough for us to be concerned with it being fatal. We can't be certain of the extent of damage until we can preform a neurological exam once she wakes up."

"How much longer will she be out?" Frankie asks.

"She will probably be in surgery for another hour. We won't wake her up right away. It might not be until tomorrow afternoon or evening before we try to wake her up."

"Will we have the opportunity to see her when she gets out of surgery?" I ask with a tearful voice.

"She'll be in ICU, but I think we can arrange for you to see her one at a time. One person can stay in the room overnight too if anyone so wishes."

"I will!"

"I can stay!"

Angela and I say at the same time. Frankie an I both prepare to battle it out with Angela, but she surprises us both by squeezing my hand and saying, "Of course you'll stay with her Maura." I can't even attempt to cover the look of shock that must have appeared on my face.

"Th-thank you Angela."

"I'll be back once we have her in a room. You all are welcome to stay and wait here, or if you would all like to go home or go get something to eat, you can give me your numbers and I'll make sure you are all kept in the loop."the doctor says on her way out of the room.

Before she can leave Angela pulls her into an awkward hug, which she politely accepts. "Thank you for taking care of my baby, Doctor!"

"You're welcome Mrs. Rizzoli." She steps out of the hug. "I'll be back to show y'all to her room within the hour."She leaves and I sit down and take a deep breath. This is why working on live patients always stressed me out. I was so focused on her GSW that I had barely given any consideration to her head injury. I lean forward and place my head in my hands. I'm trying to recall every fact I know about epidural hematomas, but I simply can't think. Do they have the potential to alter physical abilities or brain function? How long will it be before we know how Jane has been effected? Will her memory remain intact? I don't know how long I've been sitting there like this but I feel a hand on my shoulder and I look up to see that the room has emptied apart from myself and Frankie. He sits down in the chair and I lean over into him and he wraps me into a comforting hug.

"Ma was going to get us all something to eat. Korsak and Frost were giving Cavanaugh their statements, so that leaves you and me...You ok?"

Being unable to lie, I answer honestly. "No, this has been the worst night of my life."

"Yeah, mine too." We sit there in a comfortable silence. I leave my head resting on his shoulder and he leaves his arm around me. I usually don't like being touched when I'm upset, but I think Frankie likes the contact. I find I'm not uncomfortable with Frankie though. We've gotten close in the last couple of weeks and I imagine this must be what having a brother feels like. He makes this unbearable situation feel slightly less awful.

"Frankie?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being so supportive of Jane and I and our relationship. For including me, even at the risk of upsetting your mother. For sitting here with me and making sure I don't feel alone."

"You know, I've never seen my sister as happy as she's been these last few weeks…do you, um…do you think she's gonna be…Jane's gonna be the same person she was yesterday, right?"

"I really hope so…but even if…" I can barely get this out, "she's my world, Frankie, and I'm not going anywhere."

"I know doc."

A short while later Frost and Korsak return followed closely by Angela. She's brought enough food in for about 20 people, but none of us really have much of an appetite. Dr. Rodgers reappears and one by one everyone else takes their turn with Jane. Everyone keeps their visit brief, apart from Angela who is in the room for nearly half an hour, knowing that I'm anxious to be with Jane. I chose to let everyone else go first, knowing that once I enter Jane's room, it's unlikely I would have the strength to leave her. Once Angela returns from her turn, she hugs me and makes me promise to call her with updates should Jane's status change. She volunteers to return tomorrow with a couple changes of clothes for me along with some toiletries. Frankie is the last to go before its my turn. He only takes a few minutes with her before he comes back to the conference room. He kisses my cheek and tells me to call him if I need anything at all. I give him one last hug before walking to Jane's room. The nurse nods at me and I enter.

I don't know how I expected I would feel once I could see Jane, but I found myself fighting the urge to jump into her bed and wrap her up in my arms. I also found myself fighting the urge to fall down in the floor of her room crying. I knew her injuries, and I knew the procedures she had undergone, but I was not prepared for how she would look. Was this really the same woman I woke up with this morning? Was this really my Jane? I force my legs to carry me over to her bedside. I force myself to look past the tubes and wires. I brush my fingertips across her cheek. I lean in and press a gentle kiss to the corner of her mouth. My hand moves behind her neck to where I would normally find her thick, beautiful hair, but it's gone. In its place are bandages. I pull away and try to take in her overall appearance. She's so pale. I've never seen her this color. She also seems small somehow, and weak. It's like all the swagger, and presence she normally exudes has just been drained from her body. I sit down on the edge of her bed and I pick up her hand as gently as possible since she has an IV in it. I can feel how exhausted I am, and I know Jane won't wake up any time soon, but I don't want to go to sleep. I don't want to go to sleep, because what if I do and she needs me? What if I do and something happens to her? I start to cry just as I hear a soft knock on the door. I quickly wipe my eyes with my free hand, and I clear my throat.

"Come in" I say weakly. I hear the door open, but I don't look up. I simply can't tear my eyes away from my love.

"Hey Dr. Isles, I just wanted to come check on our VIP here before I hit the on-call room. How's she doing?" I recognize the voice and turn around.

"Hello Dr. Rodgers, she's-she's umm…I don't really know." She gives me a understanding smile. I stand up and wipe the tears from my face while the doctor does a standard post-op check.

"She's doing just fine. Everything appears normal…well as normal as could be expected in a situation like this, I should say."

I manage a half smile, and then I recall something I wanted to ask her. "Have we met before? You look familiar, and you called me by my name earlier before I remember any introductions taking place."

"Caught that did you? Well, we've never been formally introduced, but we sat at adjoining tables at the hospital benefactors dinner about four months ago."

"That's right! I knew you looked familiar. You we're wearing the black vintage Oscar de la Renta. It was gorgeous."

"Thank you."

"Wait, but if we weren't introduced, how did you know my name?"

"Umm, well…I asked our chief of surgery who you were." The way she says that makes it sound like there is more to it than that. I tilt my head and look at her, prompting her to continue.

"Wow, so you're not gonna let this go huh? Ok, well this is kinda embarrassing…I was kinda, sorta working up the nerve to come introduce myself. He told me that he thought you were unattached, so I was going to see if you were interested."

"Oh, why didn't you?" She looks over to where Jane is laying.

"I saw you look up and I followed your eyes. She had just come practically running into the room, nearly knocking down a drink server in the process, and you were smiling more brightly than I had ever seen anyone smile before." She looks back over to me. "Clearly you were already taken." I remember now. Jane was late because she had gone dress shopping with her mother at the last minute and was running late as my plus one for the event. She was stunning, even if she did nearly tackle a waiter. The memory causes my lips turn up into the first real smile I've had all night.

"I saw the way she kept leaning in to towards you during the presentation made by the board of directors. She must have been hilarious because you kept laughing out loud, then covering your mouth and elbowing her away from you." I remember that too. The chairman's hair was sticking up and because Jane is practically a child at formal events, she could not keep her commentary to herself.

"After the dinner was over, I saw her lead you over to the bar with her hand wrapped around the small of your back. You two were so lovely together.I know when I'm beat, so I just kept to myself the rest of the night."

"You want to know something funny?" I ask.

"Sure."

"Jane and I weren't even together then."

"You're kidding!"

"No." I laugh. "She had agreed to be my plus one as a friend." I move back over to Jane's bed and I take her hand again.

"We'll a blind man could see how much you two love each other." She smiles back at me one last time and makes her way to the door. "I'm staying here tonight, so if you need anything at all just have a nurse page me, ok?"

"Thank you Dr. Rodgers."

"Why don't you call me Jennifer."

"Thank you Jennifer, and you can call me Maura."

"All right, well goodnight Maura. I'll be back by around 8am for rounds." She heads out the door and closes it behind her. I get back up from Jane's bed and move the cot they've brought in for me over next to her bed. I lay down and reach across hold her hand. I close my eyes and try to focus on positive things. I finally fall asleep and my dreams are of Jane in her little black dress, making me laugh.

**Sorry I've been away for so long. Life has been crazy lately. I'm in the process of renovating a small cabin I just bought and I've had no free time to write. The next chapter is nearly finished, so I'll probably have it up by the end of the week.**


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